


If it isn't you

by rstarisk



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Hanahaki AU, Heartbreak, Implied Anxiety, JiHan, M/M, Seventeen - Freeform, Slow Build, Soonhoon - Freeform, gyuhoon, implied depression, jeongcheol - Freeform, meanie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-04 20:57:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 39,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15849231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rstarisk/pseuds/rstarisk
Summary: Soulmates weren't real. Storms were a pain in the ass. Careers don't really matter when you've lost a great deal in your life.Lee Jihoon had to learn the hard way just when he thought he could finally be happy, flowers started to choke him up from the inside. Who knew pain could be so beautiful?-------In which Soonyoung forgets who Lee Jihoon is to his life and he rediscovers how he fell in love with this bub in the first place before it's too late





	1. If it isn't you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soulmates weren't real. Storms were a pain in the ass. Careers don't really matter when you've lost a great deal in your life.
> 
> Lee Jihoon had to learn the hard way just when he thought he could finally be happy, flowers started to choke him up from the inside. Who knew pain could be so beautiful?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hanahaki AU that's not intertwined with any Soulmate AU. Jihoon just has the rare disease growing inside of him and the only way to remove such pain was either to surgically remove it or... Let himself die from heartache.
> 
> Slow updates.

There was a slight cool breeze coming from the balcony entrance that caught Jihoon’s attention. For the past hour that he had been awake, he had spent his time lying awake in the comforts of this bed. Despite the nice cool weather that day, which was perfect for a walk, Jihoon didn’t have the energy to leave his bed at all.  
  
_What’s the point?_  
  
A sigh escapes his lips. It was just another meaningless day within the confinement of his garden. Soonyoung wasn’t coming back.

* * *

 

  
Jun wasn’t the type to wake up early but there was something about that day that made him get up from bed and go for a walk. The dorm was still silent but he could hear shuffling in the kitchen. As he walked passed the kitchen to leave by the back door, he spots Mingyu's blaring neon orange hair by kitchen counter, where the taller was brewing coffee, again.  
  
“Is it new? It smells different.” Jun approaches the center island where Mingyu was working on, taking a sniff of the aroma the grinded coffee beans released.  
“Oh… not really. It’s Jihoon's usual. I only ever get to make this when he's back from his promotions.” Mingyu explains.  
“Ah… you don't plan on adding this one on the menu? It smells really nice.”  
“I won't. This is specifically for Jihoon only. Besides, we have way too many unique flavors in the menu and only Vernon and I can make them. We don’t need another addition to the menu.” Mingyu sighs. A memory of a confused Vernon in the kitchen flashed into his mind as the other tried to recreate a certain coffee only Mingyu could make.  
“You’re right. The café's doing really great anyway so I guess we don’t need new things for now. Anyways, I'll be back for breakfast! I’ll just take a walk.”  
  
Mingyu made a sound of acknowledgment as Jun walk out the back door. As soon as he step into the grass, different events attack him. This was the beauty about the café. Aside from the perks that the staff could live within the dorms provided by the café, it also had a vast garden filled with different kinds of flowers Jihoon planted himself. Jihoon would always bring home flower seeds which he'll cultivate in his garden. Whenever the artist was out promoting his music, he never forgets to call for a professional gardener to tend to his garden which is why people keep coming back. A few weddings had already been held in the garden and each time Jun had to witness one, he was always inspired to work harder if it meant he got to see sights like those often. The “Flower Garden” café served as Jun's second home ever since he left China to pursue music and dance. Almost everyone in the café had the same dream as him.  
  
Another cool breeze blows around him. He takes in a deep breath of the flowers' fragrances and smiles. He really loves the space that Jihoon made for them. As he reaches the center of the vast yard, he turns around to look back at the café building, marveling at how pristine it looked.  
  
“Oh?”  
  
At the balcony of the third floor, Jihoon stood with his arms filled with flowers. Unlike the flowers in the garden, the ones in his arms were torn apart. It wasn’t the usual pink, white and yellow flowers in the garden. The flowers in Jihoon's arms were purple. Jun watched as Jihoon released the flowers, a sudden gust of wind blowing them away up in the air. It was a beautiful sight but Jihoon's face said otherwise.  
  
“Why does he always look so sad?” Jun mumbles to himself as he walks back to the café.

* * *

  
  
Mingyu was about to put their breakfast on the table when Jihoon’s presence surprises him. Because of the fright, he drops the basket which falls on the floor. Luckily, none of the bread touched the floor so he simply picks the basket up again, trying to calm his pacing heart.  
  
“You scared me.” Mingyu releases a breath he had been holding. “I made you coffee. Are you eating with us?” Jihoon simply nods.  
“Where’s the others?”  
“Getting ready. They'll be out in a minute to eat and start preparation.”  
“Kihyun?”  
“… shit. I forgot to wake him up.” Jihoon chuckles at Mingyu.  
“It's fine. It’ll wake him up. I know he doesn't wake up on his own. I’ll be right back.” Jihoon says as he takes a right turn to the dorm wing.  
  
The staff greets him as they walk past him to the kitchen. They didn’t see him often due to his promotions being overseas but they all knew who they worked for and they were thankful that it had been Jihoon. He was kinder than his father and it helped strengthen their relationships.  
  
At the end of the hall, one door remained shut. It only meant one thing. Slowly, Jihoon opens the door to find a sleeping Kihyun still wrapped like a burrito. It puts a small smile in Jihoon's lips. Some things never change. Jihoon goes for the curtains to pull them apart, then he sits on the edge of the bed and starts judging Kihyun awake.  
  
“Hey, wake up sleepy head. Why is my head pattisier still asleep? Shouldn’t you be making pastries now?” Kihyun only groans at Jihoon's ramblings. “Wake up hyung!”  
“You’re so noisy Jihoonie… ugh.”  
“Time to get up.” Jihoon nudges him one last time before standing up.  
“Jihoonieeeee stay for a whileeeeee.” Kihyun whines. He gets out of his burrito confinement and opens his arms, waiting for Jihoon to come to him.  
“Breakfast is already served hyung. You won't get any portions of you feel dilly dallying like that.”  
“I can make ramyun. Just give me my hug.”  
  
Jihoon sighs in defeat. He walks back to Kihyun's bed and hugs him, the older squeezing him tight in his arms as a sign of appreciation.  
  
“It’s been a while since you came home. I missed you, you brat.”  
“Promoting takes time okay. There are also gigs, fanmeets and collaborations and they eat up a lot of time these days.” Jihoon explains for the nth time. Kihyun knows very well how erratic his schedule is but for the sake of small talk, Jihoon plays along.  
“But you'll be staying longer this time right?”  
“A month tops.”  
“That’s great! I have something I want you to taste. I've recently made a new recipe to be added in the menu.” Now Kihyun was fully awake. There was fond smile on his lips as he looked at Jihoon's eyes directly. “I want you to be the first one to taste it, okay?”  
“Okay. Speaking of recipe, help me make pecan pie today?”  
“But isn’t that…” Kihyun’s eyebrows furrow. There was only one person Jihoon made pecan pie for and that person had only brought pain to Jihoon.  
“Yeah... Mingyu tells me he comes by often because he likes the coffee we serve and I just know he’ll like to have some Pecan pie once in a while.” Jihoon tears his stare from Kihyun at this point. Talking about “him” was always a sore subject for the younger. Kihyun couldn’t blame him. It hadn’t been that long since the accident.  
“Alright. If it makes Jihoonie happy, I’ll help you make that pie. Okay now let’s go get breakfast.”

 

* * *

 

  
“What time will you be getting here? I’ve already reserved us a table.” A man tells over the phone. The silver-haired man stood in front of the Flower Garden café, pulling his hair back as sweat started to form in his temple.  
“There’s gonna be a special something this afternoon. Jun- the cashier- told me their boss was back so they made this little event for him. The café looks amazing, you should hurry up!” the silver-haired says. He eyes the people inside the café and got his stomach in a twist. There were a lot of people for some reason. Just who is their boss?  
“Alright, alright. See you Wonwoo.” The call finally ends.  
  
Just on time, Jun opens the front door to call him in.  
  
“Hoshi, come in! The program is about to start! I really can’t wait for you to meet our boss. He is amazing.” Jun says with a smile on his face.  
“I’m coming, I’m coming!”  
  
The both of them enters the premises quietly. There was murmuring amongst the costumers as Kihyun starts the program. Hoshi admired the Flower Garden’s staff. They were all tall and handsome especially their head pattisier and barista. Not only that, they were also skillful in what they do which is why he keeps coming back despite the distance of the café from his home.  
  
“Oh, by the way, we have something special in the secret menu. Only long-time costumers can avail it and I think you’re the first person under the long-time costumers list who’s actually here. Plus, there are only a few who actually knows there’s a secret menu.” at this, Jun sets a small black folder in front of Hoshi.  
  
Hoshi opens it and there were only two options: Pecan pie or Mille-feuille. At the sight of the Pecan pie, Hoshi’s stomach grumbles. He loves Pecan pie and there weren’t a lot of shops or cafes that made them. Lifting his gaze from the menu, he finds Jun grinning at him.  
  
“Pecan pie I assume?” Jun asks despite knowing the answer already.  
“Why do you even have to ask?” Hoshi chuckles, returning the menu back to Jun.  
“Ey you might want to try something else to pull my leg, something like that. Fun fact: our boss made the Pecan pie so I can definitely boast and say that this will be the best one you’ve ever taste in Korea.”  
“I thought your boss was an artist of some sort? He can bake too?” Now Hoshi sees Jun’s boss in a new light. He sounds like a very talented man.  
“He has a lot of hobbies I guess? Anyway, he’s childhood friends with Kihyun so I’m not really surprised- oh, here he is! Look!”  
  
“Please, let’s all welcome back, Lee Jihoon!” Kihyun hypes up the crowd by clapping his hands to which the crowd follows suit.  
  
At the applause, a short-man with black hair comes out from the kitchen. He had cat-like eyes that complimented his small face and an honest smile anyone would fall for. Hoshi wasn’t going to lie when his brain told him the man was handsome, the man was definitely his type but aside from the facial features, there wasn’t much for him to like further.  
  
“Good day everyone, I’m Lee Jihoon but I’m pretty sure some of you know me as Woozi.”  
  
At the mention of the name, Hoshi grabs Jun’s wrist, his eyes going wide at the announcement.  
  
“He’s Woozi?!” Jun only smirked. He knew his friend was a fan of the artist.  
“Yes. He’s Woozi.”  
“You never told me you worked for Woozi! You don’t know how much this makes me happy! I’ve been trying to get to meet him for the past year but he’s always out of the country!” Hoshi couldn’t believe what he was hearing and seeing. Right in front of him, inside his favorite café, was the artist he had been following for a year now. What were the odds that he’d meet this legendary artist on such a day?  
“You know, he actually owns this café and lives at the 3rd floor. He told us he’ll be resting for a month, I can totally introduce you guys and you guys can collaborate or something. Aren’t I smart?” Jun know he’s pushing it but sometimes, he just doesn’t realize it.  
“Please introduce us.” Hoshi begs.  
“Later. You have no plans after this, right?”  
“Well, I was planning to work on my choreo for a solo but I can do that any time.”  
“Okay. Then stay for the afternoon. I’ll ask Jihoon.”  
  
Hoshi gave the biggest smile as Jun walked away to serve his order. Amidst the crowd that afternoon, Hoshi only saw one person and it was Woozi. He kept his gaze in front, noting how Woozi’s eyes crinkle when he smiles or laughs and how his teeth looked like small fangs, it was endearing. What surprised him the most was that fact that Woozi could do a mean set of Aegyo, which the artist claims he hates doing but still executing it cutely. Hoshi was head-over-heels about Woozi immediately that the introduction Jun promised made him giddy.  
  
And for a moment, they caught sight of one another.  
  
Hoshi smiled at him brightly while Jihoon... he looked shocked.

* * *

  
  
_What was he doing here?_  
  
In all honesty, Jihoon didn’t expect him to be there that early. According to Mingyu, “he” only comes during night or 5pm onwards so seeing him amongst the crowd unsettled him. There was a constricting pain that ran through his ribs, the roots of the flower inside of him tightening alongside with the pain his heart was trying to endure. How long has it been since he saw that face? That face that he used to wake up to only to find it amongst the crowd today. It hurt. He wanted to throw up.  
  
Holding at his chest, Jihoon got off his stool and made his way to the comfort room, shocking everyone who saw. Each step brought a wave of pain through his chest as the roots of his disease tightened around his lungs. He let out a groan as he entered a cubicle, clutching tighter at his jacket as he began to heave, hot tears prickling his eyes.  
  
_No no no no no no. I already threw up this morning_!  
  
A sob escapes his lips as the scent of flowers overwhelm him. He hated the feeling of being stuffed inside especially in his lungs, it made breathing harder. He heaved again, this time, a bulb of purple petals escaping his lips as they cascade down the toilet bowl. 

_Fucking Anemones._

  
Another heave came again, this time it shook his whole body with how many petals were spilling from his lips. The tears came too, almost drowning him along with the petals stuffing his airways, Jihoon feels like he was going to pass out from the pain his chest and head were givin him. He heaved again, vomiting more petals than he did that morning, ugly sobs accompanying the petals falling. It was unfair, really unfair, but Jihoon didn’t want it any other way. It was either suffer like this or forget the best time of his life. So he chose this road instead, living with the pain of being forgotten.  
  
  
Kihyun had no idea what just happened. Everyone who was left were shocked with Jihoon's sudden disappearance that they started to murmur amongst them. Just then, Kihyun gets a glance at silver hair. It couldn’t be…  
  
At the edge of the crowd, at the furthest table was Kwon Soonyoung, shocked like everybody else. With that information, Kihyun apologizes to everyone and follows Jihoon to the comfort room. The beating of his heart and the anxiety he felt didn’t help Kihyun calm down as he made his way to the comfort room. The worry he felt only amplified when he hears sobbing as he took a few steps in the deserted premise. At the first cubicle, he finds Jihoon sitting against the cubicle wall, trying to calm himself down.  
  
“Hey, you okay?” Kihyun reaches a hand out to wipe a stray tear away. Jihoon just shakes his head before his face scrunches again as a new batch of tears run down his face.  
“He’s there.” His voice cracks. Kihyun wasn’t sure what broke his heart more. The fact that Jihoon was crying in a cubicle or the fact that Soonyoung has no idea who Jihoon is.  
“I saw. It surprised me also.” Kihyun sighs. This kind of situation rarely happens and the last time it did, it had been a long time ago so now he was struggling to find the words to use.  
“Why can’t I just forget about him? He's done a marvelous job forgetting about me do why can’t I?” out frustration, Jihoon grabs at his hair and takes in a deep breath. “I know it’s not his fault but it’s been a year… he should have remembered something by now?”  
“We can't really be sure Jihoon… the accident was a terrible one. He lost a good portion of his memories even during his college days and-“  
“But he remembers Wonwoo. He remembers his first love but the not the person he married?” Jihoon's voice cracks at the end. His breath hitches as he takes a shaky breath in, demanding his heart to calm down from the pain that was spreading like wild fire inside his chest. It was painful. Different degrees of pain. The kind of pain where his heart was too tired, his mind was too muddled and his body was destroying itself.  
  
Kihyun couldn’t say anything further. He didn’t know the pain his friend was and is going through. He knew what happened, he was there in the hospital holding Jihoon’s hand but despite that, he wasn’t much of a help even now when he knew his friend was breaking down. He simply held Jihoon's hand again, opting to sit next to Jihoon's shaking body.  
  
“Sometimes I wonder… Does he keep our ring? Did he sold it off? Or did he give it to Wonwoo to dispose if it?” all the options squeezed Jihoon's heart. It was difficult being oblivious of these things. Knowing might give him a peace of mind but no one ever talks to him about the elephant in the room. He was always facing his problems alone and at this point, he didn’t know what to do anymore. “It hasn’t even been a week…” His breath hitches. “I thought… I thought I can face him without feeling the pain like this. I thought I could do better after the months I spent abroad. I thought… I thought things would have improved by now, that maybe.. I’d have the opportunity to fix whatever was broken.” Jihoon lets out a tired sigh. He stares at a spot as his body goes limp, exhaustion taking over his being.  
“Jihoon, if anything else, none of it was your fault okay? It was just some… twisted prank of fate for Soonyoung to be caught amidst all of that. The car accident wasn’t your fault, the storm, the incoming truck, none of it was your fault. It might sound like it came from some kdrama but this is reality Jihoon, roads become slippery, people lose control. You couldn’t have caused all of those.” Kihyun tries to explain his thoughts but even he found the words jumbled in his mind. “I mean… I don’t know either. I’m just as confused as you are but I know for a fact you don’t deserve this at all. You’ve worked so hard for yourself, you should find happiness for yourself too.”  
  
There was a momentary silence between them as both males sat on the cold tiled floor of the comfort room.  
  
Jihoon thought about what lead to the accident a year ago. As much as Kihyun’s words sounded nice, he knew why Soonyoung drove off that day. It was because of him and ever since that faithful day, Jihoon could never forgive himself for being selfish; selfish for wanting space from the other, selfish for thinking about their future together, and selfish for considering his career for a moment. If he hadn’t left that day to Seoul for that meeting, if he had just stayed at home with Soonyoung, then he wouldn’t had to ask his husband to pick him up amidst the harsh storm that came to Korea but he was foolish enough to believe that Soonyoung would make it alright. Jihoon was foolish enough to gamble with fate that Soonyoung would get through the storm because he had always erased Jihoon’s fears and proving that he can reach Jihoon was the ultimate proof of his love for the other. Now this was the consequence of that risk. He suffered day in and day out. There was a flower breeding inside of him, taking his life slowly, inflicting pain whenever he thought about the love he had lost or more like… the love that was left inside of him.  
  
The disease was only curable through death or surgery. Jihoon didn’t want to forget the love that blossomed inside of his heart. He didn’t want to forget the days he had spent with the man he married. He didn’t want to forget the words that were given to him during the times he doubted himself. He didn’t want to forget the caring touches, the small favors, the smiles, the laughter, everything that reminded him of Kwon Soonyoung. Even if it hurt every damn time to breath, even if it exhausted him to the point of passing out, even if it meant vomiting flowers every morning, Jihoon was going to wait no matter what. He didn’t want to forget their moments together. He didn’t want to forget the time Soonyoung surprised him and took him driving, oblivious of their destination, yet finding every moment of it meaningful. He didn’t want to forget the first time they kissed under the sun, under the stars, under the neon lights of the club. He didn’t want to forget any of those. The pain stays. It had always stayed but so did the love he had desperately clung into. It was his only saving grace.  
  
“All better now?” Kihyun brings Jihoon out of his trance. The shorter nods his head, pulling himself up and patting the dust from his pants.  
“Let’s go back.”

* * *

  
  
Hoshi looks around nervously as Kihyun and Woozi disappear to the comfort room. He looks for Jun who was standing still by the pastry display, worried looks being exchanged from the staff. From the corner of his eye, the head barista was staring holes into him and Hoshi couldn’t shake the feeling that he had seen those eyes before.  
  
Taking a deep breath, Hoshi stands up from his table and walks to where Jun was glued in. He taps his friend on the shoulder until Jun turns around and takes a shaky breath in.  
  
“Sorry about that… I just got nervous all of a sudden.” Jun confesses.  
  
Soon enough, music played from the stereos to remove the tension that was created. Hoshi looked around as the costumes murmuring died down. It was then that Kihyun and Woozi decided to come back. There was a short applause before Kihyun spoke.

“Sorry about that everyone. It seems like our dear Jihoonie isn't feeling really good.” There was a collective sigh amongst the crowd. “But the program would still continue! Starting with our very own Seungkwan…”

Hoshi moves his eyes to Jihoon who was standing next to Kihyun, a hand holding the taller's sleeve. He certainly looks sick with his eyes red as if he had been crying. There were also beads of sweat on his temple which clarified the statement earlier. Despite the circumstances, Hoshi was glad he had laid eyes on his favorite artist.

It was at that moment, Wonwoo appeared.

From the cashier, Mingyu kept his eyes trained at the other. They made eye contact, Wonwoo breaking it off first. There was an unspoken awkwardness between them and all Mingyu could do was sigh. How did they become strangers again?

“Hoshi!” Wonwoo calls the other, swinging his arm around the other's waist. “You weren’t answering your phone so I went in.”  
“Oh Wonwoo! Sorry about that. Some things just happened.” At that, he looks back at the make shift stage where Kihyun and Jihoon were standing at the side, Jihoon looking upset. Wonwoo follows where Hoshi was looking and he didn’t like what he saw. “Did you know, Lee Jihoon owns this place? I can’t believe it!”  
“I know.” As they talk, Hoshi leads them back to his table where Jun was putting down Hoshi's order for them both. Wonwoo smiles at Jun as he retreats back to the kitchen to fetch more orders.  
“Wait what, you know Lee Jihoon?” Hoshi’s shocked face doesn't go unnoticed. Wonwoo knew this day would eventually come.

 _They were married after all._ Wonwoo sighs.

“We studied in the same university… He was a Music Composition major, we were in the Theatre Arts with you majoring in Choreography while I minored in Music Composition.” There was no lying to that. Wonwoo then proceeded to point at the Head Barista, at Mingyu and sighs. “He was there too. He was a Tourism student if I remember correctly.” Which he actually does. The two were close during their college days.  
“How come I don’t… oh, OH.” Hoshi puts a hand on his temple as he rest back in disbelief. “They’re part of the memory I lost.”  
“Not that it matters Soonyoung… you weren’t close with them anyway.” Lies. You were very in love with Jihoon then.  
“Is that why he's always been staring at me all these months? It’s because he knew me?” Hoshi couldn’t believe what he was just realizing. So he knew these people from college days and he couldn’t even remember a single one of them aside from Wonwoo? What a miracle that he got to remember his love.  
“I guess so.” Wonwoo shrugs. He then takes notice of Soonyoung's order. Pecan pie. Soonyoung notices and it puts a big smile on his face.  
“Jun told me Jihoon made it! It looks awesome. I can’t wait to try it.”  
“Yeah… Jihoon has a knack for experimenting.”

Wonwoo watches as his boyfriend take a bite of his food. Soonyoung groans in delight, praising the flavor of Jihoon's creation. Of course Soonyoung would love it. Jihoon perfected the recipe to suit Soonyoung's taste. Of course Soonyoung was going to rave about it, he couldn’t make these things even if Soonyoung begged him to. At the corner of his peripherals vision, Wonwoo sees orange hair. It was Mingyu standing amidst Kihyun and Jihoon. The three of them were in the middle of a discussion when Jihoon accidentally glances towards Wonwoo's direction. Jihoon stops talking, his brows creasing as he looked away, hand on stomach. He pushes past Mingyu and Kihyun and disappears. Mingyu follows where Jihoon was looking at, surprise etched on his face but was soon replaced by annoyance.

 _Sorry_. Wonwoo says to himself.

Mingyu excuses himself from Kihyun and retreats to the kitchen.

Wonwoo knew what those looks were for. No one wanted him there. His mere presence was the reason why things weren’t the same as before but he couldn’t blame himself for the results that happened. It wasn’t like he wanted all of it to happen, it just did. Nonetheless, he was in a place he liked and Wonwoo wouldn’t change any of it.

Even if the flowers outside bloomed so beautifully, nothing could ever change the ugliness Wonwoo felt inside as he looked at Soonyoung's smiling face.

He betrayed Mingyu.

He betrayed his best friend the most.

He betrayed Lee Jihoon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are a lot of characters because I plan to make this a big fanfic(????) 
> 
> Un-beta read. 
> 
> Names shift once situations are established like for example, in the first part, Jun calls Soonyoung, Hoshi. This is because Jun doesn't know Soonyoung before the accident. Same with Soonyoung calling Jihoon as Woozi. After this chapter, I'll be writing them off as Soonyoung and Jihoon. It gets really confusing when I use stage names so bare with me.


	2. I wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flowers signify at lot of things. Usually it was beauty, sometimes it was a feeling we deny to acknowledge and so we let their beauty, their color, their fragrance do the talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Italic fonts are flashbacks and thought bubbles. We finally get a glimpse of the "accident".
> 
> Dedicated song for this chapter: What kind of Future by Woozi

_The first time Soonyoung saw Wonwoo, it was at the courtyard of the café when his class had decided to shoot their performance there. Wonwoo had a book in his hand while his round glasses seated a top his nose. The winds were blowing gently that day and the scent of the flowers filling everyone's nostrils; it was ethereal. A variety of pastel colored petals danced around them as Soonyoung and Wonwoo shared a moment, staring at each other's eyes as the world around them goes silent._

_This was where Soonyoung first fell in love._

_This was where he wanted to get married_.

* * *

  
Mingyu woke up to the sound of crashing coming from the kitchen. Since he was the first room closest to the kitchen, he made it his job to make sure they were safe. Slowly, he leaves his room and opens the door to the kitchen. There was only one light source and it made Mingyu's heart jump. Who could be awake at this ungodly hour? Pushing the door open, Mingyu releases a sigh of relief when he sees Jihoon sitting in one of the stools, a bowl of cereal in front of him.

“Sorry for waking you up Gyu. I couldn’t see well.” Jihoon says in a small voice. Despite the dimness around them, Mingyu could see how puffy Jihoon's eyes were. _He never stops crying, does he?_  
“It’s alright. You hate eating alone right?”  
“Heh, you remembered.” It tugs a small smile from Jihoon's lips.

Mingyu grabs a bottle of milk from pantry and sits next to Jihoon who was taking his time to eat his cereal. At first there was only awkward silence until Mingyu couldn’t take it anymore and had to ask:

“You saw them right?” without name dropping, Jihoon understood. He nodded his head once as a sigh escapes his lips the moment he remembers the pain brewing inside of his chest again.  
“I didn’t expect it. Usually, as you said, Soonyoung only comes by around 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Seeing him and Wonwoo together… It’s like deja vu.” Jihoon eats a spoonful of cereal, hoping that it would at least fill his stomach if not his heart.  
“Takes us back to the days we were still students right?” Mingyu chuckles. “We were so stupid then.”  
“Stupidly in love.” Jihoon smiles a little, remember a moment when Soonyoung would suddenly hug him from the back just to tell the world that his back hugs were the best. “I still can't believe Wonwoo would fuck us over like that.”  
“I kinda saw it coming.” Mingyu sighs. He looks at his half-empty bottle and wondered: where did he go wrong?  
“Oh? When? If you don’t mind me asking.” It was kind of a sore subject for them both but Jihoon felt that they needed a breakthrough together. It might even help the both of them heal.  
“It was when Wonwoo and I were having financial problems since he wasn't getting enough collaboration then. I didn’t want to stop him from pursuing his dreams so I told him I’d get another job and he just…” Mingyu sighs. “Fought and fought that I didn’t need to take on two jobs because he made him less of a man. But I had to do it for us and I really cared for him. You see how skinny he was right?”  
“Yeah. He was a bean pole during those times. We could have done something together.”  
“He was inferior because you were doing so well. Anyway, he hated the idea of his pride getting stepped on so we had a cool off.” Mingyu finished his bottle of milk and looks at the remaining droplets. “And then Soonyoung gets into an accident. That’s when things broke off permanently.”  
“Yeah, I remember… Wonwoo was the first love.” Jihoon sighs.

The memory invades his mind.

_The aroma of brewed coffee lingers in the air as Jihoon stood by the airport's fiber windows. Outside, the clouds were dark and the wind howled against the surfaces of anything they could go by. Soon after, rain came, hard and fast. People inside the airport were both amazed and scared at how strong the storm had come. Jihoon was suppose to leave for America that day but was told to go home instead when he had reached the airport. Now Soonyoung was calling and texting, asking if Jihoon was still at the airport to pick him up._

_“Soonie, you don’t have to go right now. The storm is really strong and I don’t think driving all the way from the café is going to put an ease on my heart.” Jihoon was worried. This was no ordinary storm. This was the kind that made accidents and he didn’t want Soonyoung to be in one._  
_“I'm already on the road and don’t worry about me Jihoon. This is just rain. The humvee can handle this.” Jihoon could imagine Soonyoung's smile at the other line. He always knew what to say to calm Jihoon down._

_But despite the reassurance Soonyoung said, Jihoon couldn’t help the nagging feeling that something horrible was going to happen._

_Kihyun ran through doors, frantically searching for a small figure called Lee Jihoon. The rain outside had drenched him through and through yet he couldn’t care enough to bother about the muddles he made as he ran through corridors, searching for the emergency bay._

_At the corner of his eye, he saw a small figure kneeling in front of closed double doors. The world was moving too fast yet Jihoon couldn’t tear his eyes from the door where Soonyoung was rushed in. As Kihyun approached to pull Jihoon up from the floor, he sees it. He sees the crimson liquid that soaked through Jihoon's white shirt. He saw blood running down Jihoon's temple. But that wasn’t what worried him the most. The look on Jihoon's face, the shaking of his hands and the held back tears were on the top of the things the worried Kihyun. The silence Jihoon exhibited scared him. As he wrap his arms around the smaller man's figure, he could feel Jihoon shake, tentatively wrapping his arms around Kihyun. It was then Jihoon released all of the emotions._

_He sobbed hard against Kihyun's chest._

_People in close proximity looked at their direction, clearly not used to the scene despite the place being a hospital._

_It was a day that burned at the back of Jihoon's mind. A memory that will forever remind him of the damage he had done to their relationship._

“Hey, what are you thinking about? You've gone silent on me, Jihoon.” Mingyu judges Jihoon's arm which earns him a reaction. Jihoon looks away from his bowl of soggy cereal and shakes his head.  
“I’m fine. I just remembered something.” And as if on cue, his chest started to hurt again.

Jihoon groans as the vines in his chest construct around his heart once again. This was the actual reason why he couldn’t sleep that night. The vines of disease had started to hurt him again that it was too hard to ignore to sleep. Jihoon had hope that eating would alleviate the pain somehow but as soon as the memory flashed in his mind, it was like he was in the same hospital floor a year ago. As the pain increased, Jihoon started to feel restless. Tears were prickling the back of his eyes, daring to flow out off his eyes the moment he lets them.

Mingyu didn’t know what to do. Despite being friends for years, he had never seen Jihoon be this uneasy. In the group of friends, Jihoon was usually the composed one that's why it was unsettling to witness a side of Jihoon no one ever saw aside from Soonyoung. It only made Mingyu realize how perfect Soonyoung and Jihoon were for each other. With no other idea on his mind, Mingyu gets up from his seat and hugs Jihoon from the back, running a hand through black locks.

“I don’t know what’s going on but you look like you need a hug.” Jihoon could only sniffle.

Soon enough, Jihoon's whole body was shaking. Hot tears were flowing out of his eyes and were dripping on Mingyu's arms. Jihoon covers his crying face with his hands, swiping at tears as fast as they could form, his sobs echoing the through the deserted kitchen space.

“You’ll be okay Jihoon. If there’s one person who's a tough cookie, it’s you. Whatever you're pain right now, it'll go away someday.” Mingyu says in his low voice, his hand continuing to stroke Jihoon's hair in hopes of calming him down.

_It had been 18 hours since Soonyoung went into surgery. Jihoon had been cleaned up by a nurse and was now sitting in one of the plastic chairs near the emergency bay. Mingyu and Wonwoo had came at 5am, bring spare clothes for both Jihoon and Soonyoung and to sit through the hours with Jihoon, waiting for the results._

_Now in clean clothes, Jihoon sat silently in his seat, his eyes on the screen of his phone as he stared at a picture of Soonyoung's smiling face. His eyes were barely visible with how huge his smile was but it was one of Jihoon’s favorite pictures and used it most of the time to calm himself down during situations he would be breaking down usually._

_After another hour of waiting, the double doors finally open._

_Jihoon was the first one to stand up, stumbling backwards with the sudden rush of blood to his head. Kihyun was immediately at his side, holding his friend securely in his arms._

_“Are you with the patient Kwon Soonyoung?” the doctor asks, exhaustion written on his face._  
_“Yes, I’m his husband. How is he?” Jihoon's voice was small due to the exhaustion but his passion was fierce._  
_“He’s finally stable now. It'll take a few hours before he wakes up but rest assured, he's fine. Though we had to get thirteen stitches on his head where the glass cut up a part. If you'd follow me, I'll tell more about your husband in my office.” The doctor eyes Kihyun, Mingyu and Wonwoo._  
_“Okay. Thank you.” Jihoon pulls himself away from Kihyun and follows the doctor without a word._

_Mingyu could only imagine what Jihoon was feeling at that moment._

Jihoon pulls himself away from Mingyu as he beelines for the nearest sink. He holds his stomach as he heaves, tears falling along with the purple petals that formed in his throat. Mingyu stared in horror as Jihoon let out flower after flower into the sink, his worries amplifying at the implication of those flowers. Jihoon had the Hanahaki disease.

“Jihoon…” Mingyu was about to walk to his side when Jihoon holds a hand up, telling him to stop.  
“I-i'm fine… this is nothing.” Jihoon coughs a few more petals from his mouth before taking a deep breath.

Mingyu holds out a glass of water for him, which Jihoon takes slowly. His shaking hands couldn’t hold the glass properly that Mingyu had to hold the glass with him just so he could drink.

“How long has this been going on?” there was worry in Mingyu's voice as he asks.

Jihoon pulled out one last petal from his mouth and dropped it in the sink along with the others. He takes a shaky breath and closes his eyes, resting his forehead against Mingyu's chest.

“Ever since that day Soonyoung forgot about me.” Jihoon let’s out a shaky breath. “at the hospital.”  
“You’ve been suffering this long?! Does anyone know?” Anger slowly bubbled into Mingyu's chest. Jihoon didn’t deserve this disease. He was the kindest person Mingyu knew!  
“No one. Not even Kihyun so you better keep it a secret Kim Mingyu.” Jihoon sighs. He pulls himself away from Mingyu again but this time, Mingyu refused to let him go. Instead, Mingyu lifts him up and carries him bridal style. “What do you think you're doing, Kim Mingyu?!”  
“Taking you back to your bed, you stubborn brat. You shouldn’t be even moving after that.” Mingyu huffs. The taller of the both walks to the direction of the stairs, ignoring Jihoon who was thrashing in his arms.  
“I can climb the stairs myself! Let go!”  
“With your skinny legs? I don't think so Lee Jihoon.”  
“MINGYU!!!”

 

* * *

  
**7:35am**

Xu Minghao takes a second read on the message he had just received from his hyung from college. He read the words “Hanahaki” and “urgent” in one sentence which was highly concerning. It had been years since the last Hanahaki case and majority of the ones who had them died.

Checking his schedule one last time, Minghao decides to visit this café for a check up. He grabs his keys and leaves his flat with a happy tune, unaware of the mess he was getting himself into.

 

 

“Chan! Where are those scones?!” Kihyun yells from his work table. Seungkwan was busy decorating cake after cake that Kihyun didn’t bother grabbing his attention. The guy was in his momentum.  
“Coming! Vernon-hyung, can you move away for a moment?”  
“O-oh sorry. Mingyu! What was I supposed to do again?” Vernon was in the middle of the work stations, actually forgetting the task Mingyu had given him.  
“Go wait at the back for Jooheon! He's delivering stuff today! Go take Hyojong with you!” Mingyu yells from the counter where he was brewing three cups of coffee.  
“Where is Hyojong?” Vernon mumbles as he walk away from the crowded work stations.  
“HOBI! WHERE THE FUCK IS THE SPATULA I WAS USING FOR THE PASTA?!”  
“I PUT IT BACK IN YOUR STATION!”  
“Aw Chan, you got flour all over me!”  
“I’m so sorry hyung!”  
“I smell something burning!”

Jihoon stood by the entryway, watching the guys go crazy with orders and the menu for the day. He was surprised to find people in odd places like how he found Jinho snacking inside the freezer. Hyojong was there too, poking at chicken, telling Jihoon that he was looking for the perfect chicken to give Namjoon for the course meal that day. For the months that he had been away, Jihoon had forgotten how chaotic the work station was during the mornings.

He watches in amazement as every person in the room move with such elegance in doing their tasks. The one who got his attention the most was Namjoon, the sous chef. He was working on multiple meals and still looked like he was on top of his game. Hoseok screamed fire every time Namjoon does a trick while frying, keeping the atmosphere in the work station lively.

“If you're just gonna watch there Jihoon, it’d better you help Chan with the scones.” Kihyun says from the other side of the room.  
“But I'm your boss.” Jihoon says coolly. “And I didn’t come back to Korea to work. You guys can do this. Hwaiting~”

Suddenly, Jun appears beside Jihoon. He taps the shorter man's shoulder, catching his attention in an instant.

“There’s someone looking for you boss. Someone named Xu Minghao.”  
“Xu Minghao? I don't know anyone named Xu Minghao.” Jihoon tilts his head to the side, wracking his mind for any Xu Minghao.  
“I sent for him.” Mingyu stands next to Jihoon. “Tell Vernon to take over for me.” He pats Jun on the shoulder, grinning at him. “Thanks and bring some tea for us. Now you.” He faces Jihoon. “Come with me.”  
“Ah?”

Mingyu grabs Jihoon's arm and leads him to meet Minghao who was sitting in one of the tables in the lounge. Mingyu forces Jihoon to sit opposite of their guest who was at the process of removing his sunglasses.

“This is Xu Minghao, a friend from university days. He's currently a doctor and I called him to get you checked up because I know how stubborn you can be.” Mingyu explains. Jihoon could only pout at the fact that Mingyu knew him well enough to call a doctor instead of taking him to the hospital.  
“It's nice to make your acquaintance.” Minghao holds his hand out for a shake which Jihoon takes.  
“My name's Lee Jihoon.”  
“So Mingyu Hyung sent me a message earlier this morning that you've been suffering from the Hanaha-“  
“Please let's talk somewhere else.” Jihoon cuts him off. He didn’t want to talk about his health out in the open. Who knew who could be listening to them.  
“Ah I'm sorry.” Minghao bows his head as an apology. “Please lead the way.”

As they stood up from their table, Jun comes with a rest of tea and scones.

“Bring that up.” Jihoon says.  
“Third floor?” Jun looked defeated. “So high.”  
“Aish, give me that.” Mingyu takes the test from Jun's hands and goes on ahead. “You’ll be Vernon's assistant today until I come back to the kitchen.” Were Mingyu's last words as he disappeared up the stairs followed by Jihoon and Minghao.

Jun stared as the guest go up as well. He looked awfully familiar.

 

* * *

 

  
The skies looked gloomy that afternoon as Jihoon stared out his window again. The check up with Minghao went well but he had to wait for a week to get more accurate results but generally, Minghao advised him to stay in bed and rest as much as possible. His heart has grown incredibly weak and with the disease still alive, only time will tell when his heart would actually give out. Jihoon didn’t like the sound of that. He didn’t want to die yet even if he felt like dying everyday. He still had hope inside.

 _Ding_!

Jihoon grabs his phone from the bed side table and sees Jun's name pop up.

Jun [4:53pm]: Hyung, are you busy?  
Woozi [4:53pm]: not really. Just laying in bed. Why?  
Jun [4:54pm]: there's someone I want you to meet.  
Woozi [4:54pm]: who?  
Jun [4:54pm]: come down, I'll introduce you.

A sigh escapes Jihoon's lips as the idea of getting out of bed float around his mind. This better be worth the trip down from the third floor. Gathering his strength, Jihoon pulls himself up from his bed and grabs a sweater from his closet, then walks through the living room space where pictures of him and Soonyoung's were decorated everywhere. Their wedding picture hung high on a wall opposite of his front door. Anyone who'd come in would see their picture first. Jihoon would look at it every morning, reminiscing the moment they exchanged vows in the garden below.

Taking one last look at their wedding picture, Jihoon leaves and climbs down the stairs. It shouldn’t have affected him before but now even climbing down the stairs left him short of breath. As he reached the last steps, he was panting slightly.

Outside, the skies were starting to turn purple and orange.

Jun was serving a table when Jihoon arrives so he waits until the taller notices him and gives him a smile.

“I want to introduce you to a friend. He's been a fan since you debuted.” Jun explained as he grabs Jihoon by the arm.

He leads the Jihoon to the porch area where more tables were set out. There was a booking for a birthday party that night so the staff was working over time. At the corner of Jihoon's sight, he sees Hyojong messing with Hobi and the two continue to annoy Jinho and Namjoon.

These guys never change. Jihoon smiles at the thought.

“This is my friend, Hoshi.”

For the briefest moment, Jihoon swore his world turned cold. As soon as he turned his gaze back in front of him, he was met with the same face that haunted him every morning. The same face he longed to see and touch for the months that had passed.

“It’s nice to finally meet you. My name's Kwon Soonyoung.” Soonyoung smiles brightly as he holds his hand out for a handshake.

Jihoon could feel his heart swell with how much he missed that smile. The person in front of him was the only one who could make his heart beat this crazy and at the same time… Soonyoung was the only one who could hurt him like that. As he stared at Soonyoung's face, Jihoon didn't realize the tears that bubbled into his eyes.

Jun and Soonyoung's concerned faces pulls Jihoon from his state of stupor, wiping the tears that almost fell.

“Ah sorry about that…” Jihoon tries to smile. “Lee Jihoon.” He finally takes Soonyoung hand and it squeezed his heart a little.  
“I have been a fan for so long and this is my first time to actually meet and talk to you in person and I'm just overjoyed to have th-“ Jun cuts him off.  
“Breath Hoshi, Jihoon hyung isn't going anywhere.” Soonyoung laughs. It was like music in Jihoon's heart.  
“Right, sorry. I'm a fan of yours and I've been dreaming of the day I get the chance to talk to you.” Soonyoung says. Jihoon had no idea on what to say so he just continues to look at Soonyoung. “Is there something on my face?” Soonyoung asks, feeling quite flustered with how Jihoon was looking at him.  
“Ah.. nothing much, just beauty.”

Jun chokes before grinning at how stupid Soonyoung looked at that moment. Jihoon took it as a compliment because Soonyoung never really shut up. Pleased with himself, Jihoon smirks.

“Wow Hyung, I didn’t know you were that smooth.” Jun nudges Jihoon by the shoulder. “Well, now that you guys have met, I'll be going back to helping the others set up for the party! Jinho looks like he needs help with the decoration.”

And with that, Jun leaves. Now there was only Jihoon and Soonyoung left. Jihoon couldn’t help the butterflies he felt inside his stomach. It was like their college days again.

“So I… have a preposition I would like to tell you.” Soonyoung starts. The taller looks at Jihoon tentatively as the other continue to look at him innocently.  
“Hmm? What is it?”  
“Well… I really love your songs and you also dance really well. I'm good at dancing and singing myself but lately, I haven’t been meeting my cuts and it’s about time I do collaborations with other people. You were the first person that popped into my mind because Jun mentioned how amazing you are at it and I was wondering… if we could, perhaps, do a collaboration together?” Soonyoung looked hopeful. His face looked like a puppy as he explained his preposition and who was Lee Jihoon to deny the love of his life in pursuing his dream? It had been their dream once.  
“Okay. No problem.” He says simply.  
“Okay? As in, you'll do it?”  
“Yeah. I'm all for helping people reach their dreams.”

The smile Soonyoung gave almost gave Jihoon a heart attack. It was one of the biggest smiles Soonyoung had given him and he was sure his heart had recorded every second of it. Jihoon wished to see more of it.

Going back to Soonyoung's preposition, there were half finished songs from a year ago that they had started on. But due to the accident, they weren’t able to release any of it. It was a good time to pick up from where they have left off especially when those songs were specifically composed for Soonyoung's dancing.

“You don't know how much this makes me happy!” Soonyoung exclaims, his face scrunching the way it always had when he was overjoyed.  
“Oh I know. It shows on your face. Your eyes go missing.” Jihoon snorts.  
“Wow it’s like we knew each other before this.” The taller chuckles.

 _We do, idiot. I’m your husband. Was your husband_.

Jihoon could only sigh at the thought.

“Let’s go talk inside about this preposition of yours. I'll have dinner made for us.”

Side-by-side, like old times, Jihoon and Soonyoung walk back in to the café.

From a far, Mingyu didn’t miss the small smile Jihoon had on his lips. At least for a while, he wanted Jihoon to be happy.

 

Inside, specifically the kitchen where they ate meals, Jihoon and Soonyoung were talking about concepts while having dinner together. Their conversation was so animated Soonyoung didn’t notice the time flying. By the time he remembered he had to be home by 8pm, it was already past it. He takes his phone out and checks.

 _Shit_. He mentally curses.

Wonwoo had sent him multiple texts and calls. Because he was having so much fun talking to Jihoon, he didn’t notice his phone vibrating inside his pocket.

“I’m sorry but I have to make a call.” Soonyoung looks at Jihoon apologetically.  
“Go ahead. I'll clean this up.”

Soonyoung gets up and goes out the back door. Music boomed from the party that was on-going and it didn’t help the nervousness that resided inside his chest. What if Wonwoo was mad? He hoped not. They had no plans that night but the number of texts and calls were overwhelming.

After the third ring, Wonwoo finally picks up.

“Where are you? I've been trying to reach you for an hour now. The guys from the dance studio said you left before 4pm.” Came Wonwoo's exasperated voice.  
“I’m sorry Wonu, I’m at the Flower Garden.”  
“Again? What are you doing there?”  
“Jun did me a solid and introduced me to Woozi. We're doing a collaboration!” Soonyoung announces happily but Wonwoo was far from happy.  
“Ah I see. What time are you going to get home?”  
“around 10pm I guess? Don’t worry about me, I have a spare key.”

Soonyoung could hear Wonwoo clicking his tongue from the other line. It was clear that Wonwoo was not pleased.

“I’ll pick you up.”

Then the line went dead. Wonwoo literally just hung up on him without farewell. It didn’t sit well with Soonyoung but he shrugged it off. He didn’t want to keep Jihoon waiting.

As he entered back into the kitchen, their plates were already washed and Jihoon was no where to be found. Soonyoung decided to go in further, into the lounge where piano could be heard. There weren’t any costumers that night due to the party but there were people lounging about, listening to Jihoon playing the piano rather than partying at the courtyard. Soonyoung approaches Jihoon was into playing the piano, he didn’t notice Soonyoung's presence.

The song Jihoon played didn’t sound familiar yet it tugged something in Soonyoung’s chest. Jihoon seemed so natural, it was mesmerizing. As he got closer, Soonyoung could hear Jihoon singing. It must have been an original song.

Soonyoung hadn't realized he was staring until he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turns around and surprisingly finds Wonwoo.

“Let’s go home.” He says rather curtly. Soonyoung didn’t like his tone. Wonwoo rarely got mad.  
“Let me just say my farewell then we'll go.”  
“He wouldn't notice, let's just go Soonyoung.” Wonwoo says irritatedly that it was starting to affect Soonyoung.  
“What’s with you all of a sudden? It's not even that late yet.”

The both of them stared down at one another, their skin prickling with heat as anger seeped into their being. Jihoon felt the tension behind him and abruptly stops playing the piano. He gets up from his seat and looks at Wonwoo carefully. Wonwoo notices and stares back rather harshly, as if Jihoon had done him wrong.

“Jihoon.” Wonwoo starts, his voice sharp and unforgiving.  
“Hey Wonwoo…” Jihoon responds tiredly. “It’s nice to see you.” Wonwoo snorts.  
“Really?” Both Soonyoung and Jihoon heard Wonwoo click his tongue and it stirred something inside of Soonyoung. He hated how his boyfriend was acting in front of a person he admires.  
“What’s your problem Wonwoo?” Soonyoung feels the anger bubbling inside, a feeling he hated the most.  
“First of all, Soonyoung, I'm the one who should be mad because you didn’t tell anyone you'd be going here. Second, you didn’t pick up-“  
“But I called you as soon as I can.” There was an edge in Soonyoung’s voice and Jihoon knew that tone. Soonyoung was reigning in his anger because it only got uglier when he loses control over it. “I don’t need to tell you where I go every damn time Wonwoo. I’m not a child nor do I need an eye to constantly monitor me. It has been a year since the accident and I'd appreciate it if you stopped treating me like I'm unable to do things on my own.”  
“But I have privileges because I'm your boyfriend. I have at least the right to know where you are and what you're doing because I wouldn’t know what I’ll do if something were to happen to you!” the raise in Wonwoo's voice shakes Jihoon.

He should be the one saying all of those things to Soonyoung. He should be the jealous one in these events, not the one who felt like a third wheel, an outsider. Soonyoung was his but at the same time, he wasn’t. Jihoon knew that their vows meant nothing now but it didn’t stop his heart from telling him that he was the one that should matter to Soonyoung, it never should be Wonwoo. Watching them argue, Jihoon felt weak.

Jihoon starts to walk away from the couple when his legs give out after a few steps. 

 _There's that pain again_.

Mingyu runs from outside, opening the double doors as fast as he could to enter and get to Jihoon's side. He ignores Wonwoo looking at him as he kneel down to grab Jihoon's shaking arm. Jihoon was almost into tears again and Mingyu knew what was going to happen after that so he lifts Jihoon and carries him like he did that morning. Mingyu then faces the two, unimpressed with how they acted in front of Jihoon.

“I advise you both leave before I call someone else to do it. This is no place for arguments, especially not in front of our boss.” Mingyu hisses. He looks down and finds Jihoon covering his face as the sniffles came. He had to leave before Jihoon starts throwing up again. “If you'll excuse us.”

Soonyoung watches as the head barista take away Jihoon. He could see how upset Jihoon looked yet he couldn't understand why. Was it because of his argument with Wonwoo or was it something else? The whole time he's seen Jihoon, he had seen the man upset more than happy. Why? Was he going through something? Soonyoung wanted to know. His heart ached at the sight of an unhappy Jihoon. He looked like a man who held the most precious smiles.

“We totally made a fool out of ourselves.” A sigh leaves Soonyoung's lips. “Let’s go home Wonwoo.”

Ashamed of himself, Wonwoo nods and follows Soonyoung out of the café. They walked home silently, doubts starting to cloud their judgment now that Jihoon was in the picture. Their lives had been peaceful since Jihoon was always out of the country but now that Soonyoung and Jihoon had finally met again, Wonwoo couldn’t help feeling anxious. What if Soonyoung remembers and leaves him? Who does he have left?

 _It's not like Mingyu_ …

Wonwoo shakes the idea away. Mingyu wasn't going to come back. He was the one who pushed the other man away. Wonwoo did nothing but bad decisions. Even that time…

_It had been three days since Soonyoung was admitted to the hospital. Jihoon had spent most of his time sitting on the coach inside Soonyoung's room, waiting for his husband to open his eyes. Wonwoo found it sickeningly sweet while he and Mingyu, they weren’t in good terms. But for their friends, they pretended to be alright._

_It was on the third day that he and Mingyu official broke apart. Hurtful words were exchanged, a few tears were shed but both men remain stubborn as stones. It was also on the third day, Soonyoung opened his eyes. Wonwoo saw the relief in Jihoon's face as Soonyoung came to. Soonyoung was far from looking fine. Though he had no broken bones, Soonyoung's body was filled with bruises from the crash. His head bandaged from the surgery, only a few strands of hair were poking out and his signature grin was no where to be seen. Soonyoung was a complete wreck but with Jihoon next to him, he looked hopeful._

_It was a heart-warming moment to see Jihoon next to Soonyoung. Jihoon held into Soonyoung's warm hand, kissing his knuckles as tears bubbled in his eyes. There was a softness in Jihoon's eyes that Wonwoo could never understand. How could someone look adoringly at someone else when they were in an unfortunate situation? How could Jihoon smile and cry at the same time while looking lovingly at his husband? How did that feel? Wonwoo wanted to know the feeling as well._

_Just when things were turning up, Soonyoung spoke:_

_“Who are you?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written this fast in a while. I rarely get inspired and the feedbacks help. Please don't hesitate to comment about your thoughts on this chapter :)
> 
> Follow me in twitter: rstarisk96
> 
> Hyojong = E'dawn of Pentagon  
> Hobi/Hoseok = J-hope of BTS  
> Jinho = Jinho of Pentagon  
> Hyungu = Kino of Pentagon  
> Namjoon = RM of BTS
> 
> just in case people aren't aware.


	3. Loser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seungcheol and Jeonghan finally decides it was time they tie the knot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Probably a filler chapter
> 
> I hope you like it!

Serenity was the only word to describe the feeling that dominated the café that day. The sun was shining brightly, the wind was cool and the fragrance of the flowers floated around gently. Seungkwan was sitting at one of the chairs in the lounge as he watched the some of the staff members leave one-by-one. Since it was a sunday, people were allowed to go out and have the day to themselves while others were permitted to stay in the café and do whatever they want. As for Seungkwan, he and Vernon had no plans that day so they decided to stay and rest. Though there were still costumers, there weren’t a lot so even with five people manning the café, they could make it through the day. Besides, Jihoon was back and for a whole month! Seungkwan missed the times Jihoon would just sit by the piano and play. Sometimes, the artist would compose there despite having his own equipment upstairs. He says that it was more inspiring to write songs when he could see the flowers he had planted and the people he lived with. It was heartwarming in Seungkwan’s part, Jihoon wasn’t the expressive type but when he does express himself, Seungkwan finds it precious. 

  

That morning, Jinho and Wooseok told everyone their plan for barbeque that night. Majority who were left in the dorms agreed to pitch in and help. This makes Jinho’s little group happy. They get to work immediately while the others prepared their ingredients. 

  

It was around past 9 when Jihoon got down from his flat. The guy still had bags under his eyes despite being in Korea for a week already. It was like Jihoon rarely got sleep. 

  

One thing Seungkwan noticed was how close Mingyu stuck to Jihoon’s side. Just like that morning, Mingyu stole glances at Jihoon who was sitting by the bar. It doesn’t go unnoticed since Seungkwan was really keen on these things. It was like Mingyu was looking out for their boss despite how Jihoon complained he can handle himself. Seungkwan found it funny because Kihyun would get crazy jealous sometimes. He'd pull Jihoon away from Mingyu and stare daggers and it says a lot since Kihyun never got protective. But of course, Mingyu doesn’t let go without a fight. They’d argue over Jihoon and Jihoon in turn would get tired of them and leave. It was such a rarely dynamic, no one bothers to stop the feuding giants. 

  

Last thing Seungkwan noticed was that their frequent costumer, who goes by the nickname of “Hoshi”, hadn’t visited for days now. Jun had started to worry by the second day until it turned to a third day, a fourth day; today being the fifth day of the costumer’s abscence. Seungkwan liked his presence particularly. The guy always made him laugh with his gags and jokes and he was probably one of Seungkwan’s favorites aside from the usual girls and Moonbin. 

  

Just then, as Seungkwan shifted his sight to the double front doors of the café, an expensive looking car stops in front. Not that it was a rare sight but this particular car radiated power that Seungkwan couldn’t take his eyes off it. Out came two men, one in a suit and one in casual clothes. From the looks of it, they were celebrities but being in the business for 10 months, Seungkwan knew well enough to not be deceived by what he saw. As they entered the café, a few heads turned to look. One of them looked like a model with his gentle demure while the other, pulling his sunglasses up, looked like he came from those crazy rich Asian magazines. They walk straight to the cashier’s counter and Mingyu instantly lights up. 

  

“Hey, it’s been a while you two.” Mingyu smiles at the familiar faces.  

“Hey to you too Mr. Handsome. Still working under our Jihoonie I see?” crazy rich Asian says. He fixes his hair and Seungkwan swore he could hear people fainting. 

“There’s nowhere else to go.” Mingyu answers. 

“Mingyu-yaaaaaa~” says the other man who came with crazy rich Asian. He walks behind the counter and gives Mingyu a hug then smiles. “Is Jihoonie around?” 

“He’s by the pool with the other guys, trying to supervise. You know how rowdy they get especially with Hyojong and Hobi around.” 

“We’ll just go to him then. We’ve missed him.” Crazy rich Asian says, the model nodding beside him. 

“See you later then, Gyu!” says the model. 

  

The both of them walk through the double doors leading to the courtyard. Seungkwan takes the chance to go up to Mingyu and ask who those people were. He had never seen those faces ever, not even on TV. 

  

“They were our sunbaenims during college, Choi Seungcheol, CEO of Spendis Corp and Yoon Jeonghan, a singer-model. You could say they stood as our parents during college. They’re quite the character.” A smile tugs on Mingyu’s lips at the memory of Jeonghan and Seungcheol scolding him and Soonyoung for getting way too drunk cross his mind.   

“Ohh, I didn’t know you guys were connected with such people. You guys are quite successful huh?” 

“Seungcheol was already in line for the company so I didn’t doubt him one bit. Though there were times he doubted himself, we knew he was going to be awesome when the time came. I wonder what brings them here though...” 

  

With that in mind, both Mingyu and Seungkwan move their gazes to the courtyard. Thanks to the glass walls, it was easy to see everything outside from the inside. 

  

Seungkwan expected the model, Jeonghan, to hug Jihoon first since he looked like the type but it was actually Seungcheol who dove in first and grabbed Jihoon by the waist, lifting the shorter man from the ground, hugging and twirling Jihoon around as if he was a kid. It grabbed people’s attention that they stop for a while with their tasks just to watch and listen to Jihoon laugh. It was such a rare occasion to hear Jihoon laugh wholeheartedly. 

  

“Put me down hyung! Everyone’s looking!” Jihoon complains, slapping Seungcheol at the back. 

“But I missed our Hoonie! It’s been so long since I saw your cute face.” Seungcheol pouts, still holding Jihoon up in the air by the waist. 

“You can look as long as you want, I’m not leaving Korea soon.” this puts a bigger smile in both Jeonghan and Seungcheol’s faces. 

“Perfect!” they both say. Seungcheol finally lets him down, only to pat his head in contentment. 

“We actually came here to talk to you about business.” 

“Oh?” The three of them move to sit somewhere quieter on the deck where Jihoon could see the guys easily. He makes eye contact with Mingyu from inside and nods, Mingyu getting the message. 

“Well...” Jeonghan smiles at Seungcheol fondly. He wasn’t sure how he was going to tell Jihoon 

about it but he was bursting with happiness to hold it in further. “We want to get married here!” 

  

Initially, Jihoon was surpised but as the idea sink in, the corners of his lips turn into a full blown smile, warmth spreading through his chest. Finally, for the longest time, two of his favorite persons were getting married! In his own garden too. Seungcheol takes that as an approval as he snakes his hand under the table to hold Jeonghan’s tightly. In all honesty, the both of them had dreaded telling about the news to Jihoon because of what it meant to him. But seeing Jihoon’s bright face meant things were better this time and that this wedding might be the celebration they all need to meet again.  

  

“This is wonderful! I’ve been waiting for so long for your marriage.” Jihoon exclaims. If there were two persons meant for each other, it was clearly Seungcheol and Jeonghan. The both of them showed Jihoon what a real relationship should be when he was still younger and now, seven years later, they were finally going to tie the knot.  

“We wanted to secure a lot of things first, me with the company and Hannie with his career… it took time.” Seungcheol explains plainly. He didn’t want to get into great detail how it took this long for time to finally get married.  

“I understand. I’m just so happy for you guys.” and it shows in Jihoon’s face. It had been a while since he felt this hopeful and happy. He wished days like these came more often. “When do you on getting married? I’ll be sure to be here in Korea.”  

  

Jeonghan lights up at the topic. Between the both of them, he was the most excited about the wedding. He had been dreaming about it since they were students and finally, he was going to experience his own. Seungcheol watched as two of his favorite people converged about how Jeonghan wanted the wedding to be. They’ve already had the other aspects finalized, what remained were the venue and the party place so it was easier for Jihoon to decide. This was definitely a day Seungcheol was going to keep in his heart. A memory he would treasure for the years to come.  

  

* * *

 

That afternoon, just a few minutes before the sun set, Jinho and Wooseok decided to start the fire for their barbeque session. The skies were turning different shades of orange then, giving them a nostalgic feel. It was the kind of summer vibe Jinho liked and he was thankful to any high power out there for making their Sunday night a magical one. The others were setting up a small stage by the deck, removing the usual tables used on weekdays to make room for the instruments and Jinho knew this night was going to be a fun night. The others who had left earlier that day had come back from with beer and other alcohol with them. Even Jihoon’s guests decided to stay for their small party. 

  

By 5:30pm, they were ready to start their party.  

  

“Hey Jinho hyung.” It was Jun making his way towards the shorter man. The taller was holding his phone with one hand and a bag of desserts with the other, his face looking really conflicted at that moment. 

“What’s up?” Jinho asks. Behind them, something crashes. Mingyu stares at Namjoon’s mess, the both of them dead silent for a moment.  

“You think I can invite a friend? I mean… Jooheon and Shownu are here and they’re not even staff of the café.”  Jun looks at the two giants helping Namjoon clean up the mess he had made.  

“I guess you can? No one really notices the people we invite anyway and I heard Mingyu invited a friend too.” Jun smiles at him.  

  

Jinho was then pulled back. He feels that it was someone taller than him, well everyone was taller than him and Jihoon. He looks up and finds Wooseok grinning at him, a mischievous grin that made Jinho fear for his life. 

  

“What?” he asks cautiously. 

“See this?” Wooseok holds up a water balloon. “Hyojong and Hobi thought about it.”  

  

 _Oh shit…_ Jinho mentally curses. He looks around and finds buckets of water balloons scattered everywhere. He was not great at hiding when there were activities like this. In contradiction to the popular belief that taller people were easier targets, he was usually the target in this situation, him and Jihoon. Wooseok gives him a devious smile as the taller hand him a water gun, bigger than his arms. It was heavy but Jinho accepts the challenge. 

  

“We start in a minute. Boss and his friends can handle themselves without any of us telling.” Then Wooseok disappears.  

  

Jinho take sa deep breath and surveys his surroundings once again. The flowers would be having a feast tonight with all this water.  He searches for possible safe areas away from the food they had prepared and the only place he could think of was the arch that was used for the Wedding ceremonies. Grabbing tight at his water gun, Jinho runs as Hyojong and Hobi scream start. 

  

Jihoon had no idea what was going on. He was looking up the orange sky and the next thing he knew, his face was wet, the water soaking his sweater. He could hear Jeonghan gasp behind him as the other two get hit by flying water balloons too. From the corner of his eye, he sees Kihyun and Mingyu laughing, that’s when he noticed the buckets of water balloons.  

  

 _Oh it’s on._  

  

The shorter of the group stands up from his seat, rolling his sleeves up as he grab two water balloons from the nearest buckets, targeting the nearest staff which was Hyojong. The water balloon hits him at the back of his neck, sending cold water cascading his back. He screams in a high-pitched tone, surprised that someone had targeted him. Turning around, Hyojong sees a smirking Jihoon, he runs after him. Namjoon, on another hand, broke his water gun so he opted for the water balloons, which explodes in his hands before he could even throw them. Frustrated, he takes a cup from the food table and carries his own bucket of water, spraying water at Vernon and Seungkwan who were already gunning each other with water. Jeonghan and Seungcheol finally joins the crowd. Seungcheol decides to target Jinho who was squatting near the arch. The water balloon hits him on the face, making Jinho scream and complain why he was always the target. It elicits laughter from the people close to his proximity. Jihoon was no different; majority of the staff was targeting him since he runs slower than the rest. They haven’t even reached 30 minutes yet Jihoon was already soaked through. The ones barely wet were Mingyu and miraculously, Hobi.  

  

* * *

 

  

Walking to the familiar steps of the café, Soonyoung couldn’t help the guilt he felt with each step. His last image of Jihoon was when Mingyu carried him away from him and Wonwoo, that was five days ago. He hadn’t visited the café ever since because of that despite missing the coffee and the food they served. A little earlier, Jun messages him to come to the café since they were going to hold a party. Everyone was invited according to him but Soonyoung couldn’t shake the feeling of anxiety that crept up his chest. But there he was anyway, nearing the café. He could hear party music signifying that they had started. Jun was waiting for him at the front porch with another friend(? They looked too awkward to be friends). 

  

“Hoshi! You finally came! Come on, the party is starting!” Jun jumps from his spot, stirring the guy next to him.  

  

The three of them enter the premises of the café, the lights in the lounge on dim since there was no one in there. There were colorful lights at the courtyard. Soonyoung could hear crashing, yelling and laughter. From the inside, he could see the things that transpired outside. The head barista was already topless, another tall man had his shirt torn apart and there was a short man screaming “enough!” as he ran away from Vernon who had his water gun pointed at him. It somehow hyped up Soonyoung. He wanted to be part of the party as soon as he can.  

  

Once outside, the three of them saw the mess. The party had turned into a full blown water balloon fight.  The once orange skies were starting to get a hue of purple and violets now, signifying that the sun is setting behind them which only made the scene in front of them more inviting. 

  

“Ayoooo…” complains the guy they came in with. 

  

He was hit on the chest with a water balloon; a laugh could be heard in front of them.  

  

“That’s not really nice Mr. Lee.” The man says but there was a smile on his face as he pull his coat off, leaving him with his soaked white shirt. “I guess I’ll have to take revenge on you tonight.”  

“Try to catch me if you can Xu Minghao!” the voice was familiar. 

  

Soonyoung tore his gaze away from Minghao as he followed the laughter. Just below them, a few steps down the deck, was a soaked Jihoon laughing his head off. His black hair was pulled back, thanks to the water, sleeves rolled up with his sweater dangerously low at one shoulder exposing his collarbones to the world.  

  

Again, Soonyoung was not going to lie, he found it extremely attractive that someone could be so damn sexy and happy at the same time. Usually, it was only one at time but Jihoon could do it at the same time, Soonyoung wasn’t even sure what to feel.  

  

“Aish, they started without me! I’ll be going first. I’ve been meaning to take revenge on Hobi for a while since he keeps eating the snacks I bring back from China.” Jun tells them, bowing his head at Minghao before running to the middle of the courtyard where he gets bombarded with water balloons.  

 

Minghao didn’t bother telling Soonyoung what he was going to do. He went after Jun, grabbing a balloon from the half empty bucket and throwing it the nearest target.  

 

Soonyoung didn’t know what to do first. Was he going to start grabbing a water balloon too or just watch? He barely knew anyone and it might rude to suddenly throw a water balloon at a stranger. Weighing his options, he didn’t notice Jinho approaching him. The man was holding a bucket of water, dumping the contents on Soonyoung as soon as he saw the opportunity. Jinho runs after that, not bothering to wait for Soonyoung’s reaction. Jihoon saw it and was laughing his head off again, holding a hand to his stomach as Soonyoung stood frozen on the deck. 

 

“You’re all dead.” Soonyoung says under his breath. 

 

He takes off his cap and jacket and joins in, running after Jihoon first because the man wouldn’t stop laughing at him. As he chased Jihoon around the courtyard, water balloons were thrown at him. He grabs one from a nearby bucket and throws one wildly at Jihoon. It hits the shorter man on the back of his head. Now it was Soonyoung’s turn to laugh as Jihoon turn around, fake pouting. 

 

“You’re gonna regret that Kwon Soonyoung!”  

 

Soonyoung hadn’t felt this much fun in months. Jihoon’s sudden arrival in his life changed that and he was thankful to any deity up in the clouds for letting their paths cross. Throughout the entire time they were chasing one another in the café's courtyard, there was only one thought in Soonyoung’s mind that night: he didn’t want Jihoon to leave his sight so no matter where he went, whatever he did, Soonyoung followed. It was like he finally belonged. 

 

Around 6:20pm, they finish the water balloon fight. Three water guns were destroyed, all thanks to Mingyu and Namjoon. Jinho and Jihoon were the only ones soaked the most. But the important thing was that they had fun.  

 

“Let’s all get changed then come back here as soon as possible! Let's start this party officially!” Namjoon, the guy with the torn shirt, exclaims. Everyone cheers as they retreat inside the dorms to change clothes.  

 

Jihoon was about to take his first step up the deck when a towel was wrapped around his shoulders. He looks at whoever put it on him and he finds Mingyu, clothes already changed, grinning at him.  

 

“Don’t want you to get a cold.” the taller man says.  

 

Soonyoung sees this and somehow, he felt a little ache in his chest. Just what is their relationship?  

 

“You’re such a worrywart Mingyu.” Jihoon sighs. He then turns back to speak to Soonyoung. “You got any clothes when you came?” Soonyoung shakes his head. “I’ve got spare clothes upstairs. Think you can manage a little climb to the third floor?”  

“Y-yeah. Thank you.” Jihoon gives him a small smile. Then he continues inside, expecting Soonyoung to follow. 

 

Mingyu watches as Soonyoung follow, their eyes meeting momentarily as Soonyoung pass by him. There was some kind of electricity between them, the kind that prickled their skin.  

 

The climb to the third floor was a silent one. Soonyoung still didn’t know how to approach Jihoon after what happened a few days ago. To him, it was embarrassing to have Jihoon witness that and he felt guilt for what happened afterwards that he couldn’t even contact Jihoon to apologize for it.  

 

As they reach the third floor, Soonyoung notices a wooden door at the right with a broken plate. He read “K--- Lee” with the letters after K mutilated beyond reading. Soonyoung sees Jihoon stared at it for a while before turning around to face him again. 

 

“I can’t let you in my room but there’s another bathroom by the studio.” Jihoon points his thumb behind him where the hall opens at the end. “I’ll bring the clothes there after I change. Please feel free to use anything in the bathroom.”  

“Okay. Thank you, really.” Jihoon just smiles before opening the door on the right. 

 

Soonyoung gets a glimpse of a huge portrait opposite of the door. He sees Jihoon in it, hair blond with flowers adorning his head while he wore a white tux; standing in front of him... he didn’t see. The door had already closed just before Soonyoung could get a visual of the other man standing in front of Jihoon in the portrait. It left him curious. Was Jihoon married or something? He didn’t look like the type of guy to get married before Soonyoung. 

 

 _Besides... he has no ring._  

 

As Soonyoung turn left at the end of the hall where it opens, he couldn’t help himself but gasp at the space in front of him. It was a dance studio, a little similar to the one he had down town. Opposite from where he was standing was a recording studio, complete with various instruments. There were guitars, basses, flutes, you name it, on the wall.  

 

 _So this is where_ _Jihoon_ _makes his music... it’s amazing._ Soonyoung marvels at how beautifully decorated the space was. This was a kind of space he’d dance to all day. Unlike his dimly lit studio, there was no comparing this.  

 

He finds the bathroom in no time, it was like he knew where Jihoon placed things. After taking a warm shower, Soonyoung takes his time to blow dry his hair. He stares at his reflection. His hair was staring to lose its color and seriously need a redo. Despite the color fading, he still looked good. As he ran his hand through his hair, his fingertips bump into the scar that was left after the surgery. To this day, Soonyoung continues to think about his lost memories. He had tried everything to regain them: he tried medicine, Psychotherapy, hypnotism, yet nothing worked. The last thing he remembers was the beach where he and Wonwoo went to with their friends and after that, his next memory jumps to the hospital. There was actually a broken memory between that where a blurry image of someone was holding his hand and telling him everything will be alright. It wasn’t Wonwoo since Wonwoo wasn’t like that with him and the man already told him that it wasn’t him. Who could it be? The voice sounded awfully familiar... 

 

Soonyoung was pulled from his thoughts when he hears a knock on the door. 

 

“You decent in there, Mr. Kwon?” It was Jihoon. 

“Yeah, I have a bath robe on.”  

 

The door opens. For some reason, Soonyoung always anticipated Jihoon’s appearance. This time, the shorter man was wearing an oversized shirt but it didn’t expose his collar bones or chest unlike the previous sweater. This one covered most of the important areas, the sleeves covering majority of Jihoon’s upper arm, except the slit went all the way to Jihoon’s shoulder, almost like teasing. It made Soonyoung gulp. He really shouldn’t be thinking about it but Jihoon looked like a marshmallow.  

 

“Here are the clothes.” Jihoon sets them on the dry counter. He notices a water droplet drip from Soonyoung’s hair and it irritates him immediately. “Sit.” he commands, taking the unoccupied chair by the shower and shoving it at Soonyoung’s direction. 

 

Soonyoung sits, dazed at how he just let Jihoon command him. The other takes the hair blower from his hand and turns it on, continuing from where Soonyoung left off. It felt nice to be pampered even for a little bit. Jihoon’s hand was light against his scalp as if it was massaging his head, enough to actually lull him to sleep. But as Jihoon’s fingertips graze the scar, the other jolts and almost yelps in surprise.  

 

“Sorry I...”  

“It’s fine. Anyone would be surprise to touch that.” Soonyoung smiles at him. Through the mirror, he could see the uneasiness Jihoon felt as the other tentatively put his hand back in Soonyoung’s hair. “Your hand is really gentle.” Soonyoung comments, humming in satisfaction as Jihoon continue drying his hair. “It means you’re a very caring person.” 

“Really?” Jihoon smirks. He looks at the mirror to see what Soonyoung was doing. The other had his eyes closed, as if he was enjoying every moment of Jihoon drying his hair. 

“It’s nice to get pampered like this sometimes.”  

“Why don’t you go to a spa or something?” 

“I’m low on money. According to Wonwoo, I used to have a lot of money under my name but after the accident, he didn’t know how to get hold of that money. I don’t remember anything before the accident but I can guess that I was successful. Who'd drive a humvee during a storm anyway? If I was driving a humvee, then I must have been rich, right?”  

 

The memory at the hospital flashes in Jihoon’s mind suddenly. He feels a sudden ache in his chest as the image of Soonyoung in a stretcher flood in.  

 

“Yeah... humvees are expensive.” Jihoon couldn’t say anything substantial at that moment. At most, he wanted to hear Soonyoung talk about his life after the accident.  

“There were people calling me after the accident but I didn’t know them. I think they were agencies or something, projects I signed up for but since I forgot, they all turned into dust. It was really frustrating that I couldn’t remember. Who was I for the past 9 years? Those memories that were lost? Who were the persons I met and what kind of relationships had I establish then? I tried everything to regain my memories but at some point, a professional told me my brain might just have blocked those memories for good. It’s really frustrating.” A sigh escapes Soonyoung’s lips as he opened his eyes to look at Jihoon’s face through the mirror. Jihoon looked crestfallen. Soonyoung wanted to say something but Jihoon nudges him to stand up, which he does.  

“I’ll clean up here, you go wear these outside.” He hands Soonyoung the clothes he brought then he pushes the man out of the bathroom. He locks the door in front of him and falls to his knees, holding a hand over his trembling lips. 

 

Soonyoung tried to remember the memories he lost. He tried to remember Jihoon. Somehow, it felt right. Even though the intention was nice, Jihoon couldn’t help the ache that wracked through his body. The vines of disease grabbing a hold of his heart again and soon enough, he was crying on the bathroom floor as purple anemones surround him. It was always hard for him but if it meant Soonyoung had tried, then it was enough for him to continue living with the flower inside of him. It was alright to suffer a little more if it meant spending a few days with Soonyoung like this, pretending that they had no significance in each other’s lives aside from the collaboration. 

 

This was fine. At least in proximity, Soonyoung was there. Jihoon couldn’t ask for more.  

 

After a short while, Jihoon goes out of the bathroom, making sure he didn’t look sick enough for anyone to worry. At the middle of the dance studio stood Soonyoung in full height. The other was looking at his reflection through the mirrors, moving his body to a tune only he could hear. Jihoon missed seeing Soonyoung dance. For the past months, it was only him in this studio. The third floor was theirs before but now, Jihoon only had it to himself and it got lonely. Sometimes, it felt really empty. This had been their space to create. While he composed his songs, Soonyoung would create choreos for it which they’ll both dance to afterwards. They had a whole line up prepared but that storm had to happen. Soonyoung had to forget. Both their dreams shattered in an instant.  

 

This time, they’ll do it right. Even if it meant that it wasn’t the same goal as before, Jihoon would do it for Soonyoung. He’d do anything for Soonyoung. It was his turn to give back.  

 

“Hey.” Jihoon calls for Soonyoung’s attention. “Let’s go down.” he smiles. Soonyoung smiles back at him and for first time that day, they walked side-by-side. 

 

* * *

 

 

The breeze that night was cool as the aroma of grilled food wafted through the air. The staff of the café exchanged stories with one another, toasting their bottles of beer at one another in agreement. Seungcheol and Jeonghan decided to stay for dinner. They wanted to catch up with old friends but for Seungcheol, there was only one thing he wanted to talk about. 

 

Since Jihoon hasn’t gone down from the third floor, he takes the opportunity to pull Mingyu to the side. Jeonghan knew of this concern and followed, the three of them distancing themselves from the crowd. 

 

“Sorry for pulling you from them but I’m really confused.” Seungcheol wasn’t sure of what he saw that night and he needed Mingyu to confirm that he wasn’t going crazy. “Soonyoung’s back?” the question instantly puts Mingyu in bad mood. He didn’t like talking about Soonyoung at all.  

“Not necessarily. Jihoon’s the one who’s back. Soonyoung’s been a costumer for months.”  

“Does he remember anything?” Jeonghan listens to their conversation attentively. He didn’t want to miss a detail as to why Soonyoung was around. 

“Unfortunately, he doesn’t. Them being together now is because Jun introduced “Hoshi” to Jihoon.” Mingyu holds up his hands as he put emphasis on Soonyoung’s new nickname. “They’re doing a collaboration. So, Soonyoung thinks they’re friends.”  

“That’s messed up.” Seungcheol sighs. He was there with Jihoon when Soonyoung failed to remember anything about them. “I can’t- ugh, I can’t stand it. Do you know what Soonyoung told Jihoon after a week in the hospital? ‘I don’t know you, you’re creeping me out, you should leave me alone’. Don’t tell me, he also forgot about that?” There was a heaviness in Seungcheol’s heart as he tried to remember what transpired that day. Soonyoung had said some awful things to Jihoon that even Seungcheol felt his own heart break. 

“I... didn’t know. I’m sorry but rest assured hyung, I’m looking after Jihoon. I don’t think Soonyoung remembers that day since he claims that this is the first time he met Jihoon.” Mingyu almost rolled his eyes, then he remembered he hasn’t mastered it yet and opted to sighing instead.  

“What is Jihoon thinking?” it frustrated Seungcheol to think that Jihoon was wearing himself thin again, going as far as collaborating with your husband-who-has-no-memory-of-you? That was really messed up. Seungcheol could only guess what Jihoon was thinking.  _Stupid..._  

 

Speak of the devil, Jihoon and Soonyoung emerge from the café's back doors. They were both smiling, exchanging words as they walked back to the crowd. A few of their friends cheered as they joined the table, patting Soonyoung at the back as they introduced themselves to Jun’s guest.  

 

Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Mingyu could only look. They could only hope that it would be better this time around. The three of them went back to their friends, each taking a seat close to Jihoon and Soonyoung.  

 

“Since we couldn’t really celebrate Jihoon’s return to Korea a few days ago, we have prepared a little something for you.” Kihyun was the host of the night. Next to him stood Seungkwan with a make shift mic in his hand. “First up to the stage, Jinho and his gang!”  

 

There was a wild cheer from the people present as Jinho, Hyojong and Wooseok stood up from their seats. There were two other people with them that Jihoon didn’t know of but judging from their faces, they were excited to perform whatever they had prepared for Jihoon.  

 

“Hello everyone, we call ourselves Pentagon! Though we’re actually short on five other people, this is for you, Lee Jihoon!” Jinho screams into the mic. Wooseok, Hyojong and the other two cheer behind him.  

 

Jihoon smiles at their enthusiasm. Despite their job dispositions, he had treated all of them as family since Jihoon lost his own due to old age. He didn’t have siblings either so the staff mattered to him just like family. Jihoon was thankful that they felt the same way about him. The music starts with piano. Jinho was a master in piano and Jihoon was sure Jinho was the one who provided the music for tonight’s performance.  

 

Soon enough, the courtyard was filled with feel good music as Pentagon danced in front of them. Soonyoung watches just like everyone else, amazed at the vocals and the coordination the group presented. Apparently, the staff of the Flower Garden weren’t just pretty faces. Majority of them could dance and sing, some even rap! Soonyoung’s respect towards them just skyrocketed.  

 

“Soonyoung-ya.” Soonyoung tears his eyes from the 5th group that was performing that night. Beside him sat a new face. The person speaking to him had a gentle face and he looked like the kind who would prank you in your sleep. “My name’s Yoon Jeonghan. I used to study in the same university as you and Wonwoo.” this surprises Soonyoung since he didn’t meet friends from University often. 

“It’s nice to meet you again... hyung.” Soonyoung knew from the way Jeonghan talked that he was someone older. Jeonghan in return, smiles at him warmly. 

“Let’s put the formality aside, we’ve been friends for years already but I’m well aware you lost your memories. It's been months since we last saw you. How’s Wonwoo treating you?” Jeonghan looks at him straight in the eye, his gaze never faltering for a second. Soonyoung got the impression that Jeonghan was a force that shouldn’t be reckoned with. 

“Wonwoo treats me just fine.” Soonyoung answers quite shortly. There was no other words to describe how Wonwoo treated him.  

“How are your projects coming along? You had big projects before the accident happened. They were projects you and Jihoon worked hard on.” 

 

This information shocks Soonyoung. He had been working with Jihoon before the accident? Why didn’t he reach out when Soonyoung was in a pinch?  

 

“I am not aware that Jihoon and I have worked before... Wonwoo never mentioned it.”  

 

The answer puts a crease in Jeonghan’s delicate face. Jeonghan reaches for Seungcheol’s hand from across the table and squeezes it, their eyes meeting for a moment. That's when Soonyoung notices the golden band around Seungcheol’s finger. These two were together.  

 

“Wonwoo never told you?” Seungcheol asks, forgetting that Soonyoung didn’t know him. “Choi Seungcheol, an old friend of yours as well.”  

“Hello hyung..” Soonyoung bows a little. “And no, Wonwoo doesn’t say much about things before the accident. The most I got from him was that I was a independent choreographer.” Doubt suddenly eases its way into Soonyoung’s heart.  

 

As if fate was watching, his phone vibrates. He takes a look at the caller ID and he sees Wonwoo’s name flash on the screen. Jeonghan and Seungcheol saw it and they anticipated what course of action Soonyoung would take. It seemed like Wonwoo was keeping Soonyoung in the dark for the past months they have been together.  

 

“Aren’t you going to pick that up?” Jeonghan asks. It was clear from the tone of his voice that it was a moment that Soonyoung’s decision mattered. 

 

If he picks up, it means he trusted Wonwoo more than anyone. If he doesn’t, Soonyoung was taking a risk to know something about him he lost. If there was one thing Soonyoung wanted more than anything, it was to know the him he had forgetten. That Soonyoung sounded like someone important. Not only for Wonwoo but for the people who had called and tried to reach out. Jun couldn’t help as much since he just met the man a few months ago when he came from China. Soonyoung didn’t know any old friends since Wonwoo had done a great job of covering them up. Though there were people who knew him before the accident, like the head barista Kim Mingyu, they didn’t bother approaching and talking to him about the old him. Soonyoung wanted to know what he missed. There was always a gaping hole in his chest that wanted to be filled and looking at the people in front of him, they might just be the answer he needs.  

 

“No.” Soonyoung mouths as he slides the call to decline. He looks up from his phone and finds Jeonghan smiling warmly at him again. “I want to know what I missed. I want to know the Kwon Soonyoung you guys know. It’s pissing me off that I’m the only one who doesn’t know when everyone around me acts like they know me better than I do.”  

“If there’s one person who knows you better than anyone else, it’s gotta be Jihoon.” Seungcheol butts in. He takes a sip of his soju and smirks. “You guys have known each other longer than you have Wonwoo.”  

“Jihoon? Why don’t I remember him at all?” Soonyoung moves his gaze to the end of the table where Jihoon was sitting next to Kihyun and Mingyu. He was laughing hard at something Hyojong was telling him and it squeezes Soonyoung’s heart. 

 

 _Jihoon_ _really feels familiar._  

 

I won’t be telling you much since it’s not my place but I just want to make sure that you...” Seungcheol points his chopsticks at Soonyoung threateningly. “Don’t hurt him with words like you did in the hospital.”  

“Yah! Cheolie, stop that. Soonyoung might not even remember that time.” Jeonghan swats the chopsticks off Seungcheol’s hands, causing the other man to pout. “Sorry about my fiancé, he’s a little hurt about what you said that day to our Hoonie.” Soonyoung could feel the guilt. Even though he had no idea of the words he said to Jihoon that day, he knew that Jihoon didn’t deserve any of them. 

“I understand if Mr. Choi-”  

“Seungcheol.”  

“-Seungcheol doesn’t like me. I would really appreciate it if you told me what transpired that day so I know how I can make it up to Jihoon.” Soonyoung says with sincerity that Seungcheol felt ashamed of what he was trying to convey that night.  

“Look, Soonyoung. We’ve been good friends since university days. I get that you forgot about us and here we are now, reaching out. I just want to make sure that you’re not going to pull away after things have been said and done.” Seungcheol sighs the heaviness out of his chest. He never really liked taking the lead in talks like this. “I want to make sure that I can trust you with Jihoon again. You’re a very huge factor to this equation and as your and Jihoon’s concerned friends, we want what’s the best for you both.”  

“Though, in my opinion...” Jeonghan cuts in. “You’re not ready to hear the whole story yet. Promise us you’ll stay this time, with or without Wonwoo.”  

 

For some reason, Wonwoo’s presence felt like a threat to these people. That was a bit he couldn’t understand. If he was a friend to them, then surely, Wonwoo was too? Or did something major happened between them that Wonwoo’s position had changed from their eyes? Did Wonwoo do something for these people to doubt him so much? 

 

“I understand but please, don’t shut the door immediately. I still do want to know about my past.” Soonyoung pleads. This might be the only chance he could get to regain a little semblance of his old life.  

 

Jeonghan and Seungcheol exchanged looks. They were worried that this might not go as planned but they were also worried that Jihoon would continue to pretend that everything was alright even though all of them could see how much he was suffering. If leaving Korea for months and using his career as an excuse worked for Jihoon, to them, it wasn’t enough to cover the fact that Jihoon couldn’t linger in the places Soonyoung would be at. Especially with the fact that Wonwoo literally snatched Soonyoung in front of him.  

 

“Okay. I’ll tell you what I know, at least what happened that day in the hospital when you pushed Jihoon away.” Seungcheol took a deep breath, he hated reliving that day. “If anything, Soonyoung, I want you to know that Jihoon loves you very much and he’d do anything for you.” He couldn’t say they were married just yet. That was like breaking a code between him and Jihoon and Seungcheol didn’t want that. It would be better for Soonyoung to hear it from Jihoon himself. 

 

 _There was a chill in the air as_ _Seungcheol_ _walked across the hospital parking lot to the main entrance._ _Jeonghan_ _couldn’t accompany him that day since the other was stuck in bed nursing himself back to health. He could really use the emotional support since Kihyun had been telling him that_ _Jihoon_ _wasn’t in the best shape ever since_ _Soonyoung_ _was confined a week ago._ _Soonyoung_ _was drugged up to help numb the pain in his skull, usually forcing him to sleep._ _Jihoon_ _hadn’t talked to his husband because of that._ _Soonyoung_ _was under the influence of medicine that he couldn’t even form proper words for_ _Jihoon_ _._  

 

 _As he entered_ _Soonyoung’s_ _room on the seventh floor of the hospital, he finds_ _Jihoon_ _curled up next to_ _Soonyoung’s_ _bed. A blanket was wrapped around his small frame and_ _Seungcheol_ _was thankful that they had a caring circle who wouldn’t let_ _Jihoon_ _face this alone._  

 

 _On the couch was_ _Wonwoo_ _. In his hand was a book_ _Seungcheol_ _was not familiar with._ _Wonwoo_ _had always been a book worm, which was the reason why_ _Soonyoung_ _teased him often. Upon his arrival,_ _Wonwoo_ _looks up from his book and waves, returning to his book once again after_ _Seungcheol_ _waves back._  

 

 _“You came...”_ _Jihoon_ _croaked from his position next to_ _Soonyoung_ _. He sits up straight and yawns, opening his arms as_ _Seungcheol_ _approached for a hug. “Thanks for coming all this way_ _hyung_ _.”_  

 _“Anything for you_ _Hoonie_ _. How is he?” the bags under_ _Jihoon’s_ _eyes were_ _indescribable_ _. They were so dark_ _Seungcheol_ _was worried that_ _Jihoon_ _might be forsaking his own health._  

 _“It’s been days since he_ _regained_ _consciousness but we haven’t had a decent talk ever since. He's always in pain so the doctors would always give him medicine that messes with his head a lot.” A sigh escape_ _Jihoon’s_ _lips as he continues to explain. “I really just want to take him home. Maybe he’ll recover faster if he was at home with me.”_  

 _“Hey, it’s going to be alright_ _Jihoon_ _._ _Soonyoung’s_ _a tough guy. He'll come to soon.”_ _Seungcheol_ _tried to smile but seeing_ _Jihoon_ _is_ _sucha_ _state, his smile didn’t last long. “Have you eaten?”_ _Jihoon_ _shakes his head._  

 

 _Just then,_ _Soonyoung_ _nudges from his bed. It starts with_ _a groan_ _then he slowly opens his eyes, blinking a few times to adjust to the_ _light in the room._ _Jihoon_ _immediately perks up from his seat next to_ _Soonyoung_ _and holds his hand firmly._  

 

 _“Hey_ _Soonie_ _, good morning.”_ _Jihoon_ _manages a smile despite the exhaustion he was feeling._  

 _“_ _Wh.._ _Where am I?”_ _Soonyoung’s_ _voice was so small_ _Jihoon_ _had to lean close to hear._  

 _“You’re in the hospital. You got into an accident.” the_ _answer_ _came almost automatically. It seemed like_ _Soonyoung_ _had been asking the same question for days now because_ _Jihoon_ _was able to answer it without his voice cracking._  

 _“Who are you?” now_ _Soonyoung’s_ _voice had more volume that even_ _Seungcheol_ _could hear it clearly._  

 _“_ _Jihoon_ _. Your husband.”_  

 _“Husband? But I don’t even know you. You’re not even_ _Wonwoo_ _!”_  

 

 _At the mention of his name,_ _Wonwoo_ _looks up from his book. He stands up from the couch and approaches_ _Soonyoung’s_ _bed._ _Soonyoung_ _pulling his hand away from_ _Jihoon_ _doesn’t go unnoticed._ _Seungcheol_ _swore that if_ _Soonyoung_ _wasn’t bet ridden, he would have yelled at the other for it._  

 

 _“_ _Wonwoo_ _, who are these people? Why am I here in the hospital? I want to go home, my head hurts.” came_ _Soonyoungs_ _onslaught of questions. He reaches his hand out for_ _Wonwoo_ _which the other took._ _Jihoon_ _watches, feeling smaller by the second he sat there._  

 _“They’re our friends_ _Soonyoung_ _._ _Jihoon’s_ _your husband.”_ _Wonwoo_ _tries to explain but_ _Soonyoung_ _wasn’t having any of it. Instead, he whined._  

 _“Him? My husband?_ _Why aren’t I married to you? If I am married to him then it must not be legal. I know it’s not possible in Korea. That means it’s not valid. Divorce is an option, right?”_  

 

 _Jihoon_ _stands up from his seat and walks towards_ _Seungcheol_ _,_ _hiding_ _behind his back as he wiped at the tears that started to bubble in his eyes._  

 

 _“Hey Kwon_ _Soonyoung_ _. You have no right to speak to your husband that way. You can deny it all you want but you are married to_ _Jihoon_ _, there are papers._ _Say something_ _Wonwoo_ _.”_ _Seungcheol_ _seethed. He turns around to face_ _Jihoon_ _who was covering his mouth with a hand as more tears fell from his face._  

 _“That can’t be true! I promised_ _Wonwoo_ _I’d marry him someday and that I’ll do. He's the only one I love. You guys creep me out. You should just leave me and_ _Wonwoo_ _alone. I don’t need anyone else but_ _Wonwoo_ _.” after that outburst,_ _Soonyoung_ _started groaning in pain._  

 

 _A nurse bursts in the room to stabilized their stressed patient._ _Wonwoo_ _was speechless, opting to step back and fall on the couch as_ _nurses_ _fill in the room._ _Jihoon_ _, on another hand, ran out, dropping the blanket that was hanging around the shoulders, oblivious to everyone who was present in that room that the vine of disease had started to take hold of him._  

 

Music continued to boom around them as the party continued. It was getting late yet the staff of the Flower Garden had no plans of calling it a night. Majority of them was already drunk, some had even passed out was now sleeping on the table. Even Jihoon was drunk thanks to Jinho and Hyojong pouring him soju after soju.  

 

Soonyoung watches as Jihoon laughed at something. He stared at that face carefully, trying to tell his brain that he was once married to that man who he had forgotten and who he had hurt in so many ways. The weight that came with knowing was saddening. Had he really said those words to Jihoon in that hospital that day? Did he really deny their marriage to one another in front of Seungcheol and Wonwoo? It was really frustrating that he couldn’t remember. Why was he in an accident anyway? Soonyoung wanted to know more. He knew that the uneasiness he was feeling would be lifted once he knew what happened but no one was telling him the whole story. He only got snippets of the past and the biggest reveal had to happen tonight, when things were starting to look up for him. He was finally going to work with the person he admired the most, only to be told that they were married once. He had met new people who had inspired him only to be told that he already knew them way back. It was really frustrating. Soonyoung really wished he knew more about those 9 years he had forgotten. Most importantly, he wished he didn’t say those words to Jihoon. Married or not, the man didn’t deserve the disrespect. 

 

“I was married to Jihoon.” Soonyoung repeats, the idea not really sinking in. “How can I be married to such a wonderful person?” 

“Same reason why you admired him in the first place.” Seungcheol answers. He holds his bottle of soju up, which Soonyoung bumps with his own. “You were so whipped for Jihoon ever since.” 

“I’m not surprised about that.” Soonyoung smiles momentarily. The little joy he felt about the idea was immediately replaced by remorse. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I said those!”  

“I can’t believe it either but I’m glad that you feel that way. Jihoon really didn’t deserve those words. I feel satisfied with your regret.”  

“Thanks.” Soonyoung rolls his eyes. “I still can’t believe it though. Do I look like the marrying type? Was I a good husband?” the question makes Jeonghan laugh. He pinches Soonyoung’s cheeks in delight and continues to laugh some more. 

“You were. Jihoon was the happiest with you.” It warms Soonyoung’s heart that he had done something good for Jihoon. Deep down, he wanted that. He wanted Jihoon to be happy.  

“Aish, it had only been a few days since we formally met but I feel like... I feel like I belong here.” these were words that Soonyoung had been denying himself for months now. He didn’t want to leave Wonwoo since the man was a huge part of his life now. They had gone through things together. But... there was something lacking. “But I just can’t leave Wonwoo.”  

 

The statement leaves Jeonghan and Seungcheol disappointed. They were starting to see the situation in a different light but it seems that Soonyoung was not ready to let go of his current relationship with Wonwoo just yet.  

 

“I understand-” Seungcheol was cut off but Jeonghan dropping his hand on the table.  

 

It shakes the table to the point some people stirred awake. Chatter immediately ceased as they all looked at their direction, specifically at an angry Jeonghan.  

 

“I don’t understand.” Jeonghan starts. “I don't understand how stupid you can be Soonyoung!” He yells. The model pulls himself away from the table and marches off. Seungcheol sighs, rubbing frustratedly at his face.  

“I’ll go after him.” Seungcheol stands up from his seat and runs after his fiancé. Now all eyes were on Soonyoung and he couldn’t handle their scrutinizing looks.  

“What happened to them?” Jun was suddenly sitting in front of Soonyoung, Minghao following after. There was a grin on Minghao’s face which told Soonyoung the other was already drunk. 

“Can’t say...” Soonyoung sighs. He moves his gaze to the end of the table where Jihoon was standing, mic at hand. It was such a curious thing but Soonyoung couldn’t take his eyes off of Jihoon. 

 

“I don’t know what happened but!” Jihoon raises his arms, smiling dumbly. “It’s my turn to sing!” The crowd cheers wildy, something breaking somewhere again. “Someone’s gonna start paying for those!”  

“It was Namjoon!” Hobi screams. Everyone erupted in laughter.  

“I made this song a few months ago when I was in L.A., I hope you guys like it.”  

 

Taking a deep breath, Jihoon starts.

 

 

 **_As if nothing happened_ **  

 **_I told myself that this is all a dream_ **  

 **_When I close my eyes and open them again_ **  

 **_I wanted to wake up with a relief_ **  

 

 **_Our past that didn’t line up_ **  

 **_If I can go back in time_ **  

 **_Rather than roughly, but warmly_ **  

 **_Would I be able to let you go?_ **  

 

 **_When we_ ** **_weren’t_ ** **_over_ **  

 **_As I held onto whatever was left_ **  

 **_You let go of me as I refused_ **  

 **_Although I don’t want to see you, I miss you_ **  

 **_Although I hate you,_ ** **_i_ ** **_miss you_ **  

 **_I don’t understand myself as well_ **  

 

 **_This waiting_ **  

 **_It’s_ ** **_not easy to endure_ **  

 **_if_ ** **_i_ ** **_forget someday_ **  

 **_As if nothing_ ** **_si_ ** **_wrong_ **  

 **_Our future will be empty and sad_ **  

 **_It’s not that I want to forget you_ **  

 

 **_We were happy about us_ **  

 **_You, who isn’t with me anymore_ **  

 **_Although I don’t want to see you,_ ** **_i_ ** **_miss you_ **  

 **_Although I hate you, I miss you_ **  

 **_I don’t understand myself as well_ **  

 

 **_What kind of_ ** **_future is to come before us??_ **  

 **_Even if the Heavens don’t give us an answer_ **  

 **_Until the end, I’m too stupid_ **  

 **_So_ ** **_I don’t know the answer_ **  

 

There was complete silence after Jihoon’s song. Seungkwan was one amongst the people who started to tear up at the middle of the song. He was surprised to find Wooseok bawling his eyes out next to him as Jinho and Hyojong pat his back, telling him that it’ll be alright. He then notices “Hoshi” staring Jihoon intensely. For someone who just met their boss recently, Hoshi looked as if he’d known Jihoon all his life.  

 

Kihyun was the first one to break the silence, wiping a stray tear from his eye as he took the mic away from a tipsy Jihoon who sits back down on his chair, grabbing his bottle of soju once again.  

 

“I think it’s time for this guy to hit the hay.” At that, he steals Jihoon’s bottle of soju before he could take a sip. 

“Hey! That was mine.” grumbles Jihoon as he tried to reach for it. Unfortunately, Kihyun’s height made it impossible for him to reach it.  

“Mingyu can you-” 

“I can handle myself. You guys don’t need to baby me.” Jihoon grumbles once again. he pulls himself up from the table and wobbly stands, holding a hand to his temple while the other hand was used to stop any of his friends from catching him. “I don’t need people catching me each time I fall. I can handle myself.”  

 

Mingyu frowns at that. None of them follow after Jihoon as he enters the café building. Before anyone could start the chatter again, Soonyoung stands up from his seat and approaches Mingyu. He looks at him sternly before speaking. 

 

“I’m sure you know me from before the accident. I wish to talk to you about it.” Soonyoung says. He wasn’t going home that night without an answer. Even if Wonwoo got mad at him for being there after he deliberately told Soonyoung never to come back, Soonyoung was ready to face the consequences if it meant getting a little clarity about his previous life. 

 

Mingyu looks around him and sighs. Why did the unpleasant things have to happen one after another?  

 

“Let’s go somewhere quiet.” He eyes Kihyun for a moment before standing from his seat, leading Soonyoung to the kitchen where he and Jihoon first shared a meal.  

 

Inside, Mingyu sets them a glass of water. This was going to be a long talk he supposed. Outside the kitchen, in the lounge, piano could be heard. It was the same song he was singing earlier. 

 

 _Good. It means he’s_ _sober_ _enough to play the piano_. 

 

“So, Soonyoung, what do you want to know?”  

 

Soonyoung takes a deep breath and asks: 

 

“Who was Kwon Soonyoung to you?”  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "What kind of Future" by Woozi in English translation. 
> 
> In this universe, they are all musically inclined. The space Jihoon had created for them serves as a training ground for them to grow musically, that's why the cafe is also known to have attractive and talented staff. 
> 
> Also just to give some sense of "reality" because I really like the idea that they're still idols.


	4. Anemones

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jihoon let's go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More confusion I guess?

The melodies reverberated inside the deserted lounge. Despite the coldness Jihoon felt, he needed to play the piano, his heart wanted to play. The song he had composed during his stay in L.A. was his take about his life then. He didn’t want to see Soonyoung yet he desperately wanted to. He hated the idea that Soonyoung was Wonwoo’s, but he still wanted to see Soonyoung so badly. The feeling was so intense it festered inside of Jihoon and the only way for his heart to calm down was to express it. Thus, the song was created. It was his tribute to himself for holding on for so long. Now he was back in Korea, he finally got to sing it in front of Soonyoung nonetheless, he should have felt lighter but the effect was opposite. He only felt more miserable than before. Soonyoung still had no idea who he was and Jihoon was tired of trying.

_The sun shone brightly that day, the flowers bloomed beautifully and everyone that mattered in Jihoon’s life was there with him to celebrate. Outside the café, in the courtyard, his soon-to-be-husband stands. Their other friends were also there standing, waiting for his appearance. Jihoon could help feeling giddy. His leg shook as he paced around the empty lounge, the only sound he could hear was the clacking of his own shoes and the soft melodies of the piano outside. It was really happening. He was getting married to Kwon Soonyoung._

_The thought puts a smile on his lips._

_A forever with the man he loves_.

Jihoon stops playing the piano and looks at his hands. These hands used to hold the sun. These hands used to hold the world. Now it only held his loneliness. He sighs as the pain return to his chest. When will the pain ever go? The vines of disease squeeze at his heart for the third time that day, it was driving him insane. Soon enough, purple flowers were spilling from his mouth again, falling down to the piano tiles elegantly. It suffocated him but Jihoon always got through the pain the flowers gave him. It was as if they were telling him that despite the pain they give him, there was still beauty in them.

It was really stupid but there he was again, crying in front of the piano, his tears falling on the surface of the piano tiles. He couldn’t care less if people saw the him cry, he couldn’t care less if they saw the purple flowers around him. The pain had rooted deep in him that a little nudge was enough to prickle tears in his eyes. This was how he spent most nights, he spent them crying before falling to sleep.

* * *

 

Inside the kitchen, Soonyoung sat frozen on his stool. Outside, the piano had stopped playing.

Jihoon must have left already. He thought.

In front of him, Mingyu was crossing his arms, eyes looking elsewhere. It didn’t take them a long time for Mingyu to cover the missing memories. The taller of them both gave adequate information, telling Soonyoung what happened to lead to the accident. Apparently, it was Soonyoung’s decision to drive through the storm to pick up Jihoon from the airport because he knew that Jihoon wasn’t able to leave the country. He wanted to pick Jihoon up from the airport because he didn’t want to be apart from his husband during a strong storm like that.

“He blamed himself since then.” Mingyu finishes. “If he didn’t agree to your selfishness then, you wouldn’t have forgotten about him. If he hadn’t agreed then, he would still have you by his side, the both of you reaching your dreams. There was not a day he didn’t cry. No one sees it but being friends with Jihoon for so long, you start to notice these things.”   
“What a mess...” Soonyoung mumbles to himself. He felt very conflicted after learning about the reason that lead to the accident. It was all on him but Jihoon took the blame. Jihoon had given him space after he pushed his own husband away. “I still can’t believe any of this. It's all too sudden. Why didn’t anyone tell me sooner? You look like you could beat the crap out of me. Why didn’t you try to knock some sense into me?”   
“Because of Wonwoo.” Came Mingyu’s short answer.  
“What about Wonwoo? Why is it always about Wonwoo?” it was starting to getting irritating at that point.   
“Wonwoo and I... we dated starting from our senior year in college. Because Jihoon had swept you up off your feet, I had the chance to get to know Wonwoo better. The only difference was, Wonwoo didn’t want to go any further than living together. He was still a little aloof when we were together. And because I respect him, I didn’t want to ruin the peaceful life you created with him. We all respect what Wonwoo did. It's just that, looking at Jihoon’s perspective, it’s unfair. But you chose Wonwoo so as your friends, all we could really do is support one another’s decision. Just so you know.” Mingyu sighs. “Jihoon did try to reach out after you pushed him away. Wonwoo was the one who stopped him. We tried our best to fix the rift but Jihoon’s also human, he got tired, he got depressed and that was the end of it.”   
“So what you’re trying to say is... I’ve been played? I- I don’t think that’s possible. Wonwoo and I act just like any other couple out there. We go out on dates, movies, talk about our problems and support each other. He loves me just as I love him.” Listening to Soonyoung’s story, Mingyu couldn’t help but feel disappointed. Not for him, but for Jihoon. Soonyoung seemed like he wasn’t going to let go of Wonwoo anytime soon.  
“Look here Soonyoung, I’m not really well-versed about your life these months. You are our costumer. We used to be friends but this is a different circumstance. You forgot about Jihoon, about us and the only one you remember is Wonwoo. We’ve been through some things, you and I. I know that you don’t remember but I’m just saying, Wonwoo is a big factor in this equation. If not of his intervention, Jihoon wouldn’t be-” Mingyu bites his lower lips, stopping himself from giving out too much information Jihoon might not be pleased with.   
“He wouldn’t be what?” Soonyoung could feel his temper rising. Why was everyone ready to blame Wonwoo in this predicament? “There was nothing but peace with Wonwoo. He may not be perfect but he tries, we try to make it work. Maybe that’s why you guys didn’t work out. You didn’t give him enough credit.”   
“If only you knew.” Mingyu seethes.   
“This is getting us nowhere.” Soonyoung takes his things from the counter and stands. “As soon as you guys stop blaming Wonwoo, then we can all talk. I’ll be leaving now.”

Soonyoung storms out of the kitchen to the lounge. He had expected Jihoon to be sitting by the piano but the artist had left long ago, leaving purple petaled flowers around the piano. It was weird because there weren’t any flowers in that color in the garden. Soonyoung shrugged it off. He walks out of the café and makes his way back home, his phone vibrating in his pocket.

 

It was unusual for Soonyoung to be home so late. Wonwoo had sat in their living room, waiting for his boyfriend to walk through their front door. It wasn’t because he was mad that Soonyoung declined his calls, he was more worried that the other night be caught in another accident. Despite the bad image Wonwoo had amongst their friends, Wonwoo genuinely cared about Soonyoung’s welfare. Unlike Jihoon, Wonwoo was the one who took care of Soonyoung after getting discharged from the hospital. He was the one he rubbed Soonyoung's back as he vomited the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. He was the one who held Soonyoung's hand when the pain killers didn’t work. He was the one who stayed up late in the morning, fetching Soonyoung whatever he needs. It was a rough start but they pulled through. Unlike his previous relationship with Mingyu, his relationship with Soonyoung was stronger.

 

  
Their front door swings open. Wonwoo takes note of the time: 11:16pm, as he stands up from the couch, meeting Soonyoung at the entryway.

“You’re home late. Did anything happen?” Wonwoo was more worried than angry.

Soonyoung had a tired look on his face as he leaned close for a hug. Wonwoo has no idea what was happening so he wraps Soonyoung in his arms.

“I went to the café again. I met people from before the accident.” Soonyoung answers weakly. Wonwoo freezes in his spot. “Apprently, I was married to Jihoon but…” Soonyoung looks straight into Wonwoo's eyes. “I just can’t believe it. Is true Wonwoo? Was I really married to Jihoon?”

Wonwoo didn’t know what to do. He had dreaded this day. He let Soonyoung go to that café because Mingyu swore he wouldn’t say a word about the past but now that all the cards were on the table, was there still a point to pretend? He sighs, pulling Soonyoung with him to the couch.

“You guys were married but your marriage here in Korea doesn’t count since it was never legal in the first place. We all just held a ceremony just for the heck of it… but that’s not the point. You didn’t want to be married to him and he didn’t fought hard enough for you. If he did, would you still be living with me right now? Everything that has happened between us is genuine Soonyoung. There was no foul play in this relationship.” Wonwoo holds Soonyoung's hand tightly. He hoped that he was getting through Soonyoung.   
“But you never even bother to open this up to me.” Soonyoung whines, feeling like he was cheated.  
“Look, I don’t know if you remember but it was you who pushed Jihoon away. You said you didn’t want to be married to him, that you wanted to marry me in that same café. You're the one who didn’t want him Soonyoung, it wasn’t me.”   
“I… Seungcheol told me about it. I really can’t remember it happening and…” He looks at their intertwined hands. “This is what’s important to me now. Jihoon doesn’t mean anything to me aside from being a new friend and a fellow artist. I'm not letting go of this just because some people told me I was someone else's. I’m going to fight for this even if the world turns against me. I'm not the Kwon Soonyoung they know. I'm different now and this time, I'm not going to run away from what's in front of me. If I ran away from my marriage from Jihoon, I won’t with you. I can promise you that.”

Wonwoo heard all of that. He knows Soonyoung's intentions were in the right place, especially for their relationship, but there was still doubt in his chest. Somewhere at the back of his head, he always thought of Soonyoung leaving him. Soonyoung and Jihoon's relationship was the definition of “love conquers all”. Only now, it didn’t.

 

  
The next day, Jihoon had trouble getting up from his bed. He had to grab his phone and call for Mingyu to help him up. The taller man had come as soon as he can, sitting down on the edge of Jihoon's bed as he pulled the smaller man up. He notices a bruise on the back of Jihoon's neck but he doesn't comment on it. It was a slow and silent morning for them. Jihoon moved slow, even dragging Mingyu with him to the bathroom to change. As Mingyu helped him change, he saw more bruises along Jihoon's back and rib area. It was unsettling considering the amount and color and Mingyu dreaded for the worst that he froze midway in pulling Jihoon's shirt down.

The climb down was a silent one as well. Jihoon's breathing was labored, something that made Mingyu feel burdened. Just like the previous mornings, Jihoon spent the morning with the staff, exchanging stories from last night. They laughed and smiled at one another, covering the fact that Jihoon was growing weaker.

That afternoon, Soonyoung comes earlier. Mingyu watches as he and Jihoon talk about their plans for the collaboration. No one seems to mind as they climb to the third floor, probably to the studio to get their concepts down. Mingyu could only sigh.

They did that for a week.

Soonyoung was impressed with how fast they got the concept down. They had the music and a few lyrics down and all that was needed was the choreography. Even there, Jihoon was giving his input. He watches as the smaller man got into the center of the studio, their newly created beat playing at the back ground. Jihoon moved his arms first, then his legs and finally his body. Soonyoung watched as Jihoon moved gracefully. For a fast paced song, Jihoon could still make it look elegant whereas Soonyoung would make it more energetic.

But between their practicing and conceptualizing, the taller man did notice other things. Things like how Jihoon got tired easily, the bruises under his shirt and the shaking of his hands. It was concerning but Soonyoung felt like he was in no place to ask about them. Around 6pm, the head barista, Mingyu, usually comes up with bottle waters for them. Soonyoung watches as Mingyu pat sweat off of Jihoon's face, even going as far to wiping sweat off the smaller man's back, which Jihoon was thankful for.

“How are you feeling?” Mingyu asked.   
“Tired but I'm okay.” Jihoon takes a sip of his water, sitting down on the couch in exhaustion.   
“What do you want for dinner? Seungkwan and Dino are gonna experiment on something and you might not like it so Kihyun wanted to ask.”   
“I can eat anything okay. I'm not a baby Mingyu.” Jihoon huffs while pulling his bangs away from his sweaty forehead. “You should go ask Soonyoung what he likes.”

At the mention of the name, Mingyu stiffens for a bit. He turns around and meets with Soonyoung's eyes. The other man had been silent the whole time Mingyu had come up. There was still that tension between the two of them yet Jihoon never felt it. He was to exhausted to notice the silence that fell amongst them.

“I’m gonna go and take a shower.” Jihoon states.

He ignores the staring contest the taller men were having as he passed by them, unfazed at how intensely they looked at one another. Once they heard a door open and close, Mingyu tears his gaze away from Soonyoung and decides to leave. But Soonyoung had other plans.

“Can we talk?”

Soonyoung had closed the distance between them to grab Mingyu's arm. The taller man turns his head, a little annoyed that they were going to talk again. Mingyu had been trying to avoid talking to Soonyoung no matter what. He had overshared the previous night and he knew Jihoon didn’t like being talked about.

“What do you want to talk about?” Soonyoung let him go, letting Mingyu face him again with his arms crossed.  
“I want to know why didn’t you guys talk to Wonwoo about all of this? I get the feeling that we could have fixed all of this.” Mingyu sighs. Why was Soonyoung so hopeful? It was annoying.  
“Wonwoo didn’t want to see my face during those times nor did he want to talk to me. Jihoon was too depressed to do anything after the multiple attempts. Let's just say, he got worn out because there was no way you would come home to him. Would you come home with him now that you know what happened?” it throws Soonyoung out of the loop. He had this talk with Wonwoo already and the answer was the same.  
“No. Wonwoo and I… we've gone through things the past year and I'm really thankful for him. I don’t think I can ever leave Wonwoo. Jihoon's wonderful, he really is but Wonwoo's the one in my heart.”

Mingyu sighs frustratedly. He rubs at his face to calm himself down. He knew if he got too annoyed at Soonyoung, he'd most likely throw a punch at the other. But knowing that the other is suffering from amnesia, it gave enough reason for Mingyu to reign his anger in.

“That’s your answer. You think you can fix a bridge you destroyed?”   
“Are we talking in metaphors now?” Soonyoung clicked his tongue. “I do believe I can fix that bridge.”  
“But it won’t be the same bridge anymore because you're not coming home to your husband, who by the way, had waited for so long. What kind of bridge did you have in mind?”  
“I…” Soonyoung grimaces. “I wanted to be friends with Jihoon at least-“  
“You think that can equal to what you and Jihoon had? You think that amounts to the vows you both told one another in front of the altar? In this very garden? I don't think so Soonyoung. I don't think you're getting the big picture here. So let me repeat the most important detail about this mess.” Mingyu sighs for the nth time. “You and Jihoon are married.”

Married.

“You think this is all just a game for him? For us? We talking about life and d-“  
“Stop it Mingyu.”

Mingyu froze at the voice.

He turns his head and finds Jihoon behind him, looking down at the floor just like the night Soonyoung was discharged from the hospital. That night Soonyoung came home to someone else's house.

“Wonwoo and I talked it out before. It's not Wonwoo's fault so please don't blame him or Soonyoung.”  
“Jihoon I-“ Soonyoung was cut off by Jihoon holding his hand up for him to stop.  
“I already accepted it a long time ago you aren’t coming back. There's nothing to fix. Everything is fine. It’s alright if you don’t remember what we've been through. It’s alright if you forgot about me. It's alright if you want to be friends. It’s alright if you don’t know. I actually asked Wonwoo not to tell you. I wanted to give you your best chance at being happy and after all that was said and done, I still do think Wonwoo's the best choice.”   
“Jihoon! What are you talking about?!” the flame that Mingyu had tried to control bursts inside of him. This was what he hated the most. He hated the damage that happened. He hated the effect of that damage. It left Jihoon completely broken. “Are saying that your marriage doesn’t matter at all?”  
“What does it matter when Soonyoung can’t even remember me?! The times during university, after graduation, after my parents died and everything after that?! He has no feelings for me anymore so who am I to hold him back?” once again, the vines if disease grabs a hold of Jihoon's heart. It squeezed tight around his chest, prickling his organs that the pain was overwhelming Jihoon was choking.

Soonyoung watched in horror as the two argued. Mingyu was fighting hard for him while Jihoon had already given up. The sight of tears in Jihoon’s eyes gave Soonyoung an ache he couldn’t understand. As much as he wanted to wipe those years away, his body just didn’t want to. He knew he was the cause of those tears yet he couldn’t find the reason to wipe them away. Maybe because at that moment, he was thinking of Wonwoo, of what Wonwoo would have felt if he saw Soonyoung wiping someone else’s tears. That’s cheating, right?

“Just don’t bother them anymore Mingyu. Let Wonwoo and Soonyoung do what they want. We all used to be good friends before. We can be friends again, right? Just… I can handle myself. Maybe you should try and fix the bridges you burned down Mingyu. Wonwoo did play a big part in your life too.” There was pain in Jihoon's voice as he talked.

Jihoon started to walk away. He coughed, sniffled and sobbed his way back to his room, locking the door behind him. As he shut the world behind him, he slides down against the door, hugging his knees together as he cried into his arms, purple petals falling from his lips along with the tears of self-pity. Why am I so self-destructive? He didn’t fight for Soonyoung. He gave up immediately because he knew about the first love, he knew how Soonyoung talked about Wonwoo. He was scared of it but he let it happen. And if Soonyoung wasn’t going to come back to him, at least Wonwoo would do a better job of fighting for them. Besides, Wonwoo was his best friend before they drifted apart. He knew Wonwoo well enough that the other would do better than Jihoon.

Soonyoung's happiness was above his own.

Mingyu couldn’t believe what he just heard. Jihoon had given up and let himself die a little bit everyday from the disease he refused to remove. Looking at Soonyoung, he cursed the heavens for letting this happen.

“Look, Mingyu, I'm sorry this had to happen. I just wanted to know.” Soonyoung was crestfallen. He didn’t expect any of this to happen at all. He just wanted to talk but he got more than he expected.   
“I hope you’re happy.” Mingyu says with all the malice he could muster.

The taller man leaves. Soonyoung stands there in a daze, lost for what to do next. The prickling heat he felt in his body screamed “get out of here” but he was too guilty to move. He had done this to them. He had made Jihoon incredibly miserable.

Soon enough, he heard crashing. Crash after crash, things falling down on the floor and then a scream. Soonyoung could only listen in horror.

I did this…

  
They didn’t meet the day after that. Soonyoung was only informed that Jihoon didn’t feel good to continue with their work, that Jihoon would contact him as soon as he was healthy enough to continue with their collaboration. At that point, Soonyoung was losing hope. He had come to terms that his presence caused Jihoon too much pain and the only way to save the other from it is if Soonyoung stayed away.

Mingyu had rushed Jihoon to the hospital that morning. He didn’t hear Jihoon thrashing that night but when he came up to call him for breakfast, the door was locked. He tried knocking and calling for Jihoon but he didn’t answer. It was unusual for Jihoon to do that so he got the master keys from Kihyun and opened the door. To his horror, everything was in shambles. All the vases and glass were broken. Books were torn, the curtains were cut up, the chairs look like they were thrown at the wall base from the dents that were left. Even the coffee maker didn’t make it. It was in pieces in the kitchenette floor. And amidst the mess, Jihoon was sleeping on the floor, near the balcony with blood on his arms. A big gash ran from his elbow to his wrist. The blood was dry so it meant it had been a few hours. Panicking, Mingyu messages Kihyun to call for an ambulance.

That day, the café was closed.

Seungcheol and Jeonghan drove to the hospital as soon as they heard the news. They dropped everything they were doing when they heard Jihoon was getting 18 stitches on his arm that morning. Seungcheol could only imagine about what could have caused it.

Jihoon wakes up later that day. His first thought was “This isn't my room…”. He focuses his eyes then tries to pull himself but the sudden weight on his left arm made it hard. That’s when he noticed the bandages.

Ah right. Now I remember.

Last night, after throwing the chair at the mirror, a large shard flies and cuts his arm. The shock was overwhelming that he only remembers falling and then blacking out.

It was his stupidity that ended up in the hospital right now. Hopefully, it didn’t cut any major veins. He needed his arms for a lot of things. At the foot of his bed, Kihyun and Mingyu were fast asleep. They rested their heads on their arms while the others were occupying the couch. At this right, sitting around the coffee table, were Jeonghan, Seungcheol and… Joshua? Joshua was an old friend of theirs who had left for L.A. as soon as he graduated from college. Seeing the familiar silhouette gave Jihoon a sense of comfort.

Jeonghan was the first to notice Jihoon opening his eyes. From their small table, he gets up and closes the distance between him and Jihoon. He sits on a stool as he grab the smaller man's hand, holding it tightly in his own.

“You scared us Jihoon. How are you feeling?” behind him, Joshua and Seungcheol stood. They were all worried about him.

Jihoon wanted to answer but his throat felt like it was a dry desert so he just smiled or at least tried to. He mouthed “I’m fine” with only wind passing his lips. He was exhausted and there was a numbing pain all over his body that he couldn’t even make a sound to respond to them properly.

“I come back all the way from L.A. and I find you admitted to the hospital. What's going on Jihoon?” there was an easy smile on Joshua's face as he replaced Jeonghan from his seat. He also holds Jihoon's hand, rubbing circles around his skin as way to comfort the smaller man. Jihoon could only shake his head at Joshua's question. There's time for that later.

That night, Jihoon spent his night in the confines of that small room with people who made him happy. The addition of Minghao and Jun made it more livelier, it was like they weren’t in the hospital at all. Throughout their stay, Seungcheol never left his side. The man always asked if Jihoon needed anything but Jihoon would just shake his head. Seungcheol in turn would smile sadly. He wanted to do something for his friend. Mingyu was also extra attentive that night. His eyes never left Jihoon, people were starting to take notice.

Just like any hospital, visiting hours ended. Since Jihoon had no family anymore, Mingyu was permitted to stay while Kihyun and Jun were sent home. Even with Kihyun’s protest that he was Jihoon’s best friend, he didn’t knew about the disease that lived under Jihoon’s skin.

Jihoon felt extremely empty as he laid on the hospital bed. Despite the lively atmosphere earlier, it just didn’t rub off on him. Mingyu notices how Jihoon stared into space. He didn’t like where they were now but this was the best they could do at the moment. He knew how much Jihoon dislikes being in the hospital. It reminded him of the times he lacked as Soonyoung’s husband only this time, it was Jihoon who was in bed. Mingyu could only guess what was going on inside Jihoon's head. Pondering about it, Mingyu didn’t like the options his own mind presented him so he got in the bed with Jihoon, pulling the smaller man into his arms as he ran his hand through Jihoon’s black hair.

“Tell me what you're thinking Jihoon.”

Jihoon sighs as he turn to rest his head against Mingyu's biceps, closing the distance between them as he scooted closer to Mingyu's warmth, his arms between them. Jihoon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes, telling himself that this wasn't a dream.

“I was wondering…” his voice raspy from not talking. “If I made the right decision of letting him go.”

Mingyu let the idea sink in for a minute. He thought about what Jihoon had said yesterday night at the studio. If it was all true, then it meant Jihoon was a self-sacrificing idiot for thinking that Soonyoung was better off without him. No one in their logical mind would let go of things that made them happy but… Mingyu would be a hypocrite if he said that. He did let go of Wonwoo too. He was just like Jihoon. He didn’t fight hard enough for the person he loved.

“I don't really know either. I let go of Wonwoo and he seems happier than he was with me.” The idea only hit him now that Jihoon was asking. Mingyu had been avoiding the thought of it ever since he broke up with Wonwoo but deep inside, he wanted to keep the relationship between the two of them. It still ached whenever Wonwoo visit the café.   
“It feels like I’ve only made the wrong decisions ever since I let go of Soonyoung, that being the first. Maybe if should have fought for him… maybe.”  
“Not everything. You still have us, the café staff. We can be your family.” Jihoon whines at that.  
“I know… but I’m still lonely.”

Mingyu could only caress Jihoon's hair. It was obvious that Jihoon was lonely. He spent majority of his time in bed than in the studio. Before, Jihoon would stay in the studio majority of the day even to the point he slept there from working too hard. It all bear fruit but now, Jihoon barely released songs. Usually, he would be hired to compose for others. These days, Jihoon worked for others rather then himself. It was as if he couldn’t form any thing for himself anymore.

That night, Mingyu slept next to a crying Jihoon. He felt tears soak the front of his shirt, wishing he could do something to keep Jihoon from crying. At that moment, Mingyu realized that he didn't want Jihoon to cry this hard again, he didn’t want Jihoon to be this miserable and he'd do anything to make Jihoon happy.

Wonwoo didn’t matter now. To Mingyu, he'll just have to be left in the past. Just like how Wonwoo treated him the past months.

  
Jun [6:34pm]: man I'm so bored.  
Hoshi [6:34pm]: don’t you have work?  
Jun [6:35pm]: cafe's closed so we didn’t work. The guys and I are just lounging about. Kihyun and some people are upstairs cleaning Jihoon hyung's room  
Hoshi [6:36pm]: why's the café closed?  
Jun [6:36pm]: Jihoon hyung was sent to the hospital. Mingyu, Kihyun, Minghao and I went to bring stuff for him. His guests from last week was there too.   
Hoshi [6:37pm]: what happened to Jihoon??  
Jun [6:37pm]: his arm got cut up. 18 stitches in total. It was so… disturbing. Mingyu said it was an accident and base from how trashed his room is, I think he got cut up from something.   
Hoshi [6:40pm]: I see… how long is he staying in the hospital?  
Jun [6:41pm]: he'll get discharged tomorrow afternoon I think. As soon as the bleeding stops. Why? Are you going to visit him?  
Hoshi [6:43pm]: I guess so… I’m not sure yet. I'm kind of worried. Say, what does he like to eat?  
Jun [6:44pm]: He likes a lot of things except spicy things. I guess apples. He could go on a day with just apples.   
Hoshi: [6:45pm]: alright. Send me the address of the hospital asap. Thanks Jun.

Soonyoung's heart felt heavy inside his chest. He caused that. It was his fault Jihoon self-destructed. It hadn’t even been a whole 24 hours yet he learns the artist had been in an accident that had him sent to the hospital. It was his fault. He wished he didn’t open his big mouth at all.

Outside, the wind blew gently. It wasn’t the usual fragrant air Soonyoung could smell in the café but the air was sweet. Just another tiring day at work laced with bad news. Tomorrow, he promised himself, he was going to visit Jihoon and talk with him properly. At least Soonyoung offer now was closure. He hoped it would work because he hated seeing Jihoon miserable.

Especially if he was the reason of such misery.

* * *

  
_Soft music played inside Wonwoo and Jihoon’s apartment. Wonwoo was busy writing lyrics on the kitchen table while Jihoon was preparing their dinner. In between cooking, Jihoon helped with writing the lyrics, asking Wonwoo which direction he wanted the song to go. As both music composition students, it was easier to talk about these things. Most of the time, they get a laugh out of it. They're spew out random concepts and try to connect them despite how crappy they sounded. It helped keep the inspiration alive._

_Once upon a time, Jihoon and Wonwoo were best friends._

_They did almost everything together. Whenever Jihoon wanted to watch a movie or a band, Wonwoo was always up for it. Even when it came to drinking late, Wonwoo would still be there getting drunk along with Jihoon._

_One night, Wonwoo invites Jihoon to a mixer party. Since exams were around the corner, Jihoon was reluctant but Wonwoo had asked nicely, even going as far as to hugging Jihoon just to convince him. Jihoon was easily swayed. He could just study the day after… if he didn’t had any hangover. Mixer parties usually left him out of commission._

_That night, he meets Kwon Soonyoung for the first time. They hit it off, definitely. They argued about a lot of things, at some point calling each other an idiot for having their own opinions. They even stole each other's songs, thinking it was theirs._

_That night, Jihoon was mullet-head while Soonyoung was Hip-hop hamster. They called each other names. People left them to argue even as they get intoxicated. They never forgot each other's impression that on campus, Jihoon was still mullet-head and Soonyoung as hip-hop hamster. People didn’t bother tearing them apart. Somehow, they had chemistry. Even Wonwoo supported them, claiming that he had never seen Jihoon that happy ever since they met._

_The both of them didn’t know their fates were intertwined._

_None of them knew about the storm that would ultimately tear them all apart._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late reply. I've been trying my hand on writing smut again but it seems I've lost my touch to it. 
> 
> Updates will be slow.


	5. Back Track

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> College was about the experiences and memories. What kind of memories did Soonyoung and Jihoon made when they were younger? Let's find out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just like every chapter, this is un-beta read. I take you back to their college/university days.

**Seven years ago**  

 

The air inside the apartment was chilly, the humidifier had stopped working again and the neighborhood was quiet considering it was a Friday morning. Jihoon and Wonwoo had fallen asleep on the living room again after procrastinating a project they should have worked on slowly. Lucky for them, they had blankets with them that they didn’t freeze themselves during their sleep.  

 

It had only been three months since the start of their second year in college but for Jihoon, it always felt like he was on his first. Getting up, he shakes Wonwoo awake who groans at the rude awakening. They both check their phones and sighed.  

 

“Let’s grab breakfast on the way to class. I don’t think we have enough time to make our own.” Wonwoo says groggily. Jihoon nods in confirmation.  

 

The morning was a slow one for them but they managed to get to class on time. It was a boring class so majority of their time was spent goofing around. Joshua and Seokmin kept their morning lively. They’d pair up and try to pull off gags, annoying Jeonghan to no end while Seungcheol and the others laugh at the little things. This was the simple life Jihoon lead. He spent most of his time with his friends rather than his family. Jihoon's family didn’t really support him in his pursuit in Music which is why he stays away from Busan as much as possible, only going home when needed. It was cold of him, he knows, but he didn’t want to argue with them anymore.  

 

That afternoon, when their group assembled for no reason at all, Wonwoo brings someone over. Jihoon's first thought was that how could someone be so tall and good looking at the same time? Why wasn't he tall and good looking like the man behind Wonwoo? It was unfair. Drowning himself in these thoughts, Jihoon hadn’t notice the pout he was making.  

 

“Hey guys, this is Kim Mingyu by the way. He was wondering if we wanted to-“ Wonwoo was cut short when Jeonghan returns to their table, squealing as he sets down his food tray. 

“They finally have spicy noodles after days of craving!” Jeonghan eats his noodles happily, moving his long bangs away from his face.  

“Again, as I was rudely interrupted by Jeonghan Hyung… Mingyu was wondering if you guys wanted to go to a mixer party later tonight.” Wonwoo moves his gaze to his best friend, Jihoon, who was tugging on his hoop earring. He looked like he was weighing his options for the day. “Whatever is going through that pretty head of yours, erase them Ji. You're definitely coming.” 

“Wha- I haven’t even decided!”  

“I already know what you'd do. You're going to binge watch anime all night and that's so high school. We're college now, let's go drink for once!” The table rattles as Wonwoo slams his palm on the surface. Luckily, Jeonghan had already finished his noodles in record time, craving satisfied. Everyone else just stared at the two as they argue about going out that night. It wasn't new to them. Wonwoo and Jihoon usually argued about the small things since they've been friends for so long, they knew each other well enough to have long banters. It was actually their way of spending time with one another.  

“What’s the use of going to some dumb mixer party? I ain’t looking for a relationship.” Jihoon says dejectedly. He always got defensive when it came to relationships since he never experienced one. 

“You totally need one though. You keep moping how insignificant you feel since you never had one in the past.” This makes the Mingyu snicker behind Wonwoo. Jihoon shoots him a glare which shuts Mingyu up instantly. 

“But we’ll just get shit faced when we get there. Knowing you, you’d just vomit on me.” Jihoon made a face as the memory a drunk Wonwoo crossed his mind. It was Wonwoo’s first time drinking and since he and Jihoon were freshmen, they were forced to drink whatever their sunbaenims offered them.  

“I-I won’t!” Wonwoo flusters. “And besides, it’s just going to be us a few of Mingyu’s friends. I don’t even know why we call it a mixer party when the number of girls and guys are uneven. I think it’s more of an acquaintance party.” he turns his head to the man behind him, expecting him to support his conclusion so his best friend would go with him. 

“Y-yeah. You could say that. I’ll be inviting a few of my friends. Get to know one another... something like that.”  

 

Jihoon groans at the implication of meeting new people. He wasn’t the friendly type to start with. Being friends with these people was sheer luck. With Wonwoo, it was how their stubbornness clashed which made their friendship more inviting and enjoyable. With the others, they came like a package. Seungcheol and Jeonghan were a pair. They were the mom and dad of the group since they were the seniors. Joshua and Seokmin their “children” despite coming from different programs. Befriending one of them meant befriending their whole family. Lifting his gaze back to Wonwoo and Mingyu, Jihoon knew he was going to regret saying yes to this party. By nature, he hated being around so many people but there was also the curiousity of meeting the “right” ones just like how he met these people he was sitting with. With a sigh, he looks at Wonwoo and mouths an okay. Wonwoo grins in return and they talk about when and where they were going to meet that evening. 

 

Jihoon and Wonwoo’s apartment was filled with music. They were fixing the mess they had made throughout the week due to negligence just to feel a sense of responsibility. Besides, Jihoon had the tendency to be a neat freak. He hated seeing trash around their apartment so he forced Wonwoo to clean with him. They spent at least two hours getting their apartment clean and their laundry. Unlike other college students who could live in a filthy environment, Jihoon couldn’t. He develops rashes fast which is why he had the tendency to clean as much as he can. As the sun was setting in the horizon, the both of them started to prepare for the party. Wonwoo was excited since it had been a few months since he last went out with other people. Jihoon was adamant but with Wonwoo nagging him, he actually made himself look decent for a party. He fixed his hair in front of the mirror, running his hand through his undercut before tweaking a few strands.  

 

 _Perfect._  Jihoon praises himself.  

 

Tonight, he didn’t expect much. For a guy who was lacking in the height department, Jihoon didn’t have enough confidence whenever they went out. Usually, noonas would approach him and call him cute, adorable and pocket-size, which hurts his ego. If only he grew just as tall as Wonwoo’s friend Mingyu, he might be confident enough to go to parties as much as his friends do. Aside from the usual noonas, sometimes guys would approach him too, asking for his number and name. Not that Jihoon minded but for someone who was inexperienced, he didn’t know what to do when such a situation arises. Their area wasn’t exactly the friendliest. Majority of the guys Jihoon heard about these days only wanted comfort and Jihoon wasn’t the type to stoop that low, let it be a college culture or a coming of age tradition. He was conservative that way. Call him old fashioned but he wanted something more romantic.  

 

Pulling him from his thoughts, he heard honking below their apartment. He turns down the volume of the music and peers out of the window. Outside, a white expensive looking car park. Out comes Mingyu wearing a sweater that looked awfully familiar. His silver hair was brushed to one side, showing off his undercut. Mingyu was definitely a looker. Jihoon wondered what the guy’s program was judging by how he dressed. It was as if Mingyu was in the same program as Jeonghan. That hyung of his was always in trend. Mingyu on the other hand, trend or not, looked good in anything thanks to his built body.  

 

“Let’s go Ji. Mingyu came to pick us up.”  

 

Jihoon follows Wonwoo’s voice. Surprisingly, Wonwoo was wearing the same sweater Mingyu was wearing. What’s with these guys wearing matching outfits? The only difference was the color and Wonwoo wearing his beanie, something he hadn’t worn in a long time. Something was definitely up.  

 

The ride to the bar was quiet for Jihoon. Well that was an understatement because Mingyu and Wonwoo wouldn’t shut up. They talked about a lot of things during the 20-minute car ride. From Mingyu’s exhausting schedule that semester to Wonwoo’s cat back at home. Jihoon wanted to jump out the car as he realized what was going on. Mingyu had a thing for his best friend. It makes Jihoon smirk. His loser of a best friend is finally getting some progress with his life while Jihoon remained constant. Maybe that’s how things were supposed to be.  

 

Once arriving to their destination, Mingyu and Wonwoo insist Jihoon gets off first. They were just going to park the car. Jihoon, of course, understood what it meant. He gave them a sly grin before hopping of Mingyu’s car, standing just outside the entrance of the bar as he waited for them. In his pocket, his phone vibrated. Obviously, their friends were looking for them. They were fashionably late, as Jeonghan would say. Pulling his phone out, Jihoon sends a quick message to their group chat telling them that he and Wonwoo have arrived. His friends’ replies puts a small smile on his lips, his eyes catching blue from the corner of his eyesight. The curious thing makes Jihoon look up from his phone, which continued to vibrate with his friends’ replies. Walking towards the bar was a man with sky blue hair. In contrast with Jihoon’s flaming red-mullet, this guy’s hair looked like the sky. His eyes were sharp, making Jihoon hold his breath with how strong it held his gaze. As the man passes by him, Jihoon swore the world slowed down. It was like those moments in the movies where they find their true love and the scene suddenly goes into slow motion. That was how it felt for Jihoon. He was attracted for sure but just like the day and the night, he knew this kind of attraction wouldn’t last.  

 

Finally, after that heart-stopping moment, Wonwoo and Mingyu appear. Jihoon throws a weak punch at Wonwoo’s arm, complaining how slow they were to walk back. Wonwoo puts an arm around Jihoon’s shoulder and ushers him inside as an apology. Loud music attacks Jihoon’s ears. He winces as his ears tried to adjust to it. Aside from the loud music, the lights were blaring. Jihoon had a hard time adjusting with the music and lights to a point he felt his head pound. Thankfully, their friends selected a nice spot at the corner where the music wasn’t as loud and there was warm light. Jihoon takes a seat immediately, not caring if his seat was Seungcheol’s lap. He takes a random glass of water and chugs it down, hoping the pounding of his head subsides.  

 

“This place smells awful.” Jihoon sighs. He rests his body against Seungcheol, ignoring the looks he was receiving from the other table. Skinship wasn’t new to their group. They knew for a while now that Jihoon was a cuddler and his favorite people were Wonwoo and Seungcheol since he felt secure around the two men. 

“It is a bar after all. Don’t worry Jihoonie, you’ll get used to it.” Seungcheol assures him, wrapping his arms around Jihoon’s lithe waist.  

“I actually have a friend who came despite the mixer party actually... not happening.” Mingyu pipes up. He and Wonwoo sat together, opposite of Jihoon and Seungcheol. Jeonghan had dragged Seokmin to the dance floor a while earlier, leaving only Joshua and Seungcheol until Jihoon, Wonwoo and Mingyu came.  

“So, it’s going to be an all-boys drinking party?” Joshua asks. He had already had a beer at hand and was casually sipping from it, his eyes training to the dance floor where a crowd was starting to circle Jeonghan and Seokmin.  

“Seems like it.” Mingyu says. “I’ll just go get my friend.” the taller man smiles at their small group before standing up to leave.  

 

Jihoon sees this as a chance to ask so he sits up from Seungcheol’s hold and grabs Wonwoo’s attention by snapping his fingers in front of him. 

 

“What’s up with you and Mingyu? What took you guys so long?” The question also catches Seungcheol and Joshua’s attention. The both lean forward with Jihoon to listen, expecting Wonwoo to answer them before any of their friends return.  

“Well... I’m not exactly sure yet of what’s going on but it’s like his pinning for me.” Wonwoo speculates. He wouldn’t say it but to Jihoon, it was obvious Mingyu had the hots for his best friend.  

“He definitely looks at you differently.” Jihoon smirks. It makes Wonwoo fluster.  

 

The three of them continue to tease Wonwoo, forgetting that Mingyu was actually bringing a friend with him. The moment Mingyu returns with his friend, he finds Jihoon straddling Wonwoo with a bottle of beer in one hand. Mingyu watched as the two fight over the bottle, their hands both clasped on the body of the bottle as they play tug-of-war with it.  

 

“Drink it! It’ll help!” Jihoon demands, pushing the bottle closer to Wonwoo’s face. The other scrunches his face and looks away, pushing the bottle back at Jihoon. 

“You drink it! Live a little you twerp.” At that point, the both of them were just pushing each other’s arms, waiting for one of them to give in.  

“As much as I enjoy you guys bantering...” Mingyu clears his throat. Jihoon and Wonwoo stopped pushing the bottle. The shorter man gets off his best friend and takes a seat next to him instead, looking up to Mingyu and his friend once seated. His eyes immediately widen at the sight of the familiar blue hair. 

“This is my friend, Kwon Soonyoung. Theater Arts major in dance.” Mr. Handsome takes a bow, smiling at Jihoon’s direction... specifically Wonwoo’s. But Jihoon didn’t think any of it. He was more fascinated with how Kwon Soonyoung’s eyes sparkled as if they were stars. 

“Wonwoo-ssi.” Soonyoung says, taking the seat nearest to Wonwoo. “It’s nice to see you again.”  

 

Seungcheol, Joshua and Jihoon exchange looks. Jihoon moves closer to Seungcheol as he makes space for Mingyu. In the U-shaped couch, starting from the left was Soonyoung, Wonwoo, Mingyu, Jihoon, Seungcheol and Joshua. Jeonghan and Seokmin was still on the dance floor so they didn’t worry about making space for them. Besides, Seungcheol was open to be their seat. 

 

“We just saw each other a yesterday. You sound like we haven’t seen each other in weeks.” Wonwoo laughs, nudging Soonyoung by the elbow. Suddenly, an all too familiar beat plays. Seungcheol and Wonwoo both move their gazes to Jihoon, who was half lying on the couch, holding his phone close to his face, obviously ignoring their gaze on him. 

 

“Hey Ji, it’s your song.” Wonwoo stands up and nudges Jihoon by the thigh. Instead, Jihoon turns himself toward the couch, his back facing everyone else. “Don’t be such a baby. I know you dance to this kind of music all the time. Come on Jihoon.” Wonwoo nudges him again. 

“I don’t want to grind with sweaty people, thank you." Was Jihoon’s curt reply. 

“Soonyoung will dance with you! He’s a dance major. Maybe he can teach you a few dance steps.” Wonwoo adds. He looks back at Soonyoung who had an uneasy smile on his lips. 

“Oh please, I can dance better than anyone.” Jihoon huffs. 

“I doubt that.” came Soonyoung’s voice. The sudden intrusion to their conversation makes Jihoon perk up. He turns his body again, facing them all again. 

“Are you challenging me, Kwon Soonyoung?” Jihoon squints his eyes at the taller man who was a few seats away from him. 

“And what if I am? Are you going to back out because I can do better?” a smirk creeps its way on Soonyoung’s lips. He strips his jacket off, showing off toned arms. Jihoon could only squint harder.  

“You’re on.” the both of them stand on the same time, Jihoon walking past the blue-haired man.  

 

Jeonghan notices Jihoon approach the dance floor, sees the look on the shorter man’s face and tells the crowd to give space. Around them, people raised their hands in cheer, some of them squealing Soonyoung’s name. Jihoon was definitely intimidated but he wasn’t going to give up without a fight. He took pride in his dancing skills which only a few knew about.  

 

 _I_ _wanna_ _be with you_  

 _You_ _wanna_ _be with me_  

 

The song hadn’t reached the pre-chorus yet so Jihoon could still start with his initial choreography of the song. He extends a delicate hand to Soonyoung, face serious, opening and closing it to the beat then running the length of his arm down his cheek. His body does snapping steps, starting from his arms, then his shoulder and hips. The crowd watching makes a low sound of astonishment as Jihoon’s body rolled to the beat of the music.  

 

Soonyoung was impressed. He had never met anyone who could dance like Jihoon in the year he had studied in university. It was the first time for him to think that someone could stand in the same level as him.  

 

But of course, Jihoon wasn’t going to have all the the fun that night. Following Jihoon’s body roll, Soonyoung mimics his snappy gestures, running a hand down the shorter man’s chest before pushing him away lightly, enough for Jihoon to step back. Now it was Soonyoung’s turn to show his moves. He kept his sharp eyes on Jihoon as his body moved to his own choreography of the song. People hyped and cheered, girls screaming Soonyoung’s name as he draws closer to Jihoon, grabbing him by the collar of his oversized shirt then pulling him close, their face inches apart. It draws a squeal from their female audience 

 

 _I’m_ _gonna_ _be with you_  

 _I’m_ _gonna_ _be with you_  

 _You_ _wanna_ _be with me_  

 _You_ _wanna_ _be with me_  

 _You_ _you_ _you_ _you_ _you_  

 

In sync, the both of them stood side-by-side, body roll after body roll, dancing to the song they both claim to know by heart. By the height of the song, Jihoon was smiling. He was definitely having fun even without the influence of alcohol in his system. Beside him, Soonyoung was dancing sensually, he couldn’t take his eyes off the taller man.  

 

People around them were hyping again as the song came to its final chorus. The music was enough to turn Jihoon deaf with how loud it was but more importantly, he felt his heart race, pounding wildly inside his small chest. Around him, the lights danced from red, green, blue, white and orange, giving him a sense of euphoria as the bridge of the song plays, the both of them thrusting their hips in the air. People screamed at them, cheering at their performance. During the bridge, where the music drops and slows down, Soonyoung grabs him by the waist and pulls him close, their bodies touching. Jihoon feels a different kind of heat pool deep inside of him as Soonyoung rests his forehead on his, his torso grinding against Jihoon once the beat picks up again. 

 

 _You_ _you_ _you_ _you_  

 _You_ _wanna_ _be with me_  

 

The world did that slow motion again as Soonyoung continued to grind against him. Jihoon totally froze at that, his arms slowly running up Soonyoung’s arms as he tried to match pace. The smirk Soonyoung gives makes his knees give out, gripping on Soonyoung’s arms for support. Jihoon was at the mercy of Soonyoung’s arms around his waist.  

 

“I win.” the taller man whispers in Jihoon’s ear which sends a wave of pleasure through his heated body,  Jihoon shudders.  

 

The crowd closes in on them and cheers as the song shifts to a new song. The both of them didn’t notice that their friends watching at the edge of the dance floor, clapping as they made their way back to their table. Jihoon fast walks to Wonwoo and hugs him, burying his burning face against his best friend’s chest. He stays like that for a while, unable to turn his gaze anywhere else but Wonwoo’s chest. He couldn’t bear the beating of his heart if he saw Soonyoung’s face  

 

“Well that was fun! Let's do that again sometime... I actually forgot to ask your name.” Soonyoung tapped Jihoon’s shoulder, expecting the shorter man to turn around but Jihoon was sure he couldn’t bear the feelings he was going to feel later that night if saw Soonyoung’s face one more time.  

“I’m sorry but it seems like our Jihoonie has gotten the case of shame.” Wonwoo chuckles at how cute Jihoon was acting. He pats his best friend on the back, hoping he lets go but Jihoon just hugs him tighter. “God I can’t breathe... He’s name is Lee Jihoon.” 

“What’s there to be ashamed about? He was great! I’ve never met anyone who can dance in the same level as I do.” Soonyoung beams. He keeps his eyes on top of Jihoon’s head, wishing the other would just face him already.  

“Shush, you practically grinded on him.” Jeonghan chuckles. 

 

They move to a quieter place, availing a karaoke room where the music from the dance floor was blocked out. Suddenly, it was too hot for Jihoon. He takes his oversized red-checkered shirt off and takes a shot of whatever alcohol was served on their table. He was nervous, obviously, Seungcheol could see it with the way Jihoon was drinking shot after shot of the blue stuff they ordered earlier. It was funny to watch Jihoon fidget. He had run his hands through his sweat soaked hair multiple times, drinking randomly at anything on the table all the while avoiding Soonyoung’s direction.  

 

“Okay! Music composition students, your time to shine! I’m Yoon Jeonghan, your angel.” Jeonghan says through the mic. He smiles as he hands the mic to Seokmin who was the closest.  

“I can’t sing right now hyung. I think I’ve strained my throat from screaming earlier. How about Jihoon hyung first? He looks like he needs to release some steam.”  

 

Seokmin and Jeonghan turn their gaze at Jihoon who was chugging yet another shot of whatever. Next to him, Soonyoung watched in awe. It was such a comical scene they didn’t bother telling Jihoon to stop drinking. Instead, they punched in songs Jihoon would know.  

 

Jihoon moved his vision from left to right. Mingyu and Wonwoo had their own world. Joshua and Seungcheol were having a serious conversation while Jeonghan and Seokmin were busy pushing buttons at the karaoke machine. Which leaves Soonyoung unpaired. Daring to look at his seatmate, Jihoon risks a glance. On his left, Soonyoung was staring at him with his sharp eyes. Jihoon immediately looks away, reaching his hand out for another shot. But before the shotglass even touches his lips, it was yanked out of his hand. He watches Soonyoung down the shot for him, grinning at him after all the contents were gone. 

 

“Finally got your attention. I thought for a second there, you were ignoring me.” Soonyoung says confidently. He sets the shot glass back on the table, opting to grab a bottle of beer instead. 

“As if it’s easy to ignore you...” Jihoon mumbles under his breath. He slouches against the leather surface of the couch, getting comfortable as the alcohol in him take effect. 

“What was that?”  

“Nothing.”  

“Say, I’ve never seen you around campus much.”  

“That’s ‘cause I don’t roam. I’m usually in the practice room or in the arcade or at home.” Jihoon grabs the star pillow Soonyoung was resting on and hugs it, resting his head against the leather couch.  

“That sounds boring. What do you do aside from composing songs and dancing?” Soonyoung goes down to his level and rests his head against the leather couch too. Now they were seeing each other eye-to-eye. 

“Don’t laugh but I watch anime.” Soonyoung’s eyes widen at the information then his signature smile appears. 

“You watch anime too? What have you seen so far?” 

“Haikyuu and Boruto?” Jihoon wasn’t sure since he hadn’t caught up with the latest episode of Boruto yet.  

“I’ve seen those too!” Soonyoung tells him excitedly. He was unaware that he was inching closer to Jihoon. 

“Oh you watch anime too? What are your favorites?” a smile was slowly forming in Jihoon’s lips as he talked with Soonyoung. 

 

There was a warmth in Jihoon’s chest as he talked with Soonyoung that night. The way Soonyoung’s eyes wrinkled when he laughs and smiles was endearing. Even the sound of his laugh was music to Jihoon’s ears he couldn’t get enough of it. No one was ever this interested in him. It was such a scary experience yet he couldn’t get out of it. He wanted it.  Jihoon was clearly having fun that night and he won’t deny that it was the best feeling in his 20 years of existence. He wished it never ends.  

 

Suddenly, another familiar beat plays. Jihoon perks up from his seat and as if on queue, Jeonghan hands him the mic. Soonyoung was confused of what was happening. One minute they were talking and the next Jihoon was singing. Jihoon’s melodious voice resounds the room. Soonyoung finds himself being captivated by Jihoon’s voice, his presence, his body. Somehow, his feelings for Wonwoo had subsided for the night. Suddenly, Soonyoung was uncertain of his feelings for Wonwoo. It was as if all the adoration he had for the other had shifted to the shorter man singing in front of him. He had seen the signs though.  

 

Last week, he and Mingyu had come to terms that they both liked Wonwoo and that they were both willing to fight for their feelings towards Wonwoo. But now, as he stares at Jihoon’s small body, Soonyoung couldn’t stop the beating of his heart and the warmth that spread through his chest like wildfire. Jihoon with his red mullet and undercut, that sole hoop earring on his left ear and his pale complexion, Soonyoung was being captivated. It was like being trapped but loving every minute of it.  

 

 _seoro_ _eogeutnaitneun_ _gil_ _geonneopyeon_  

   
_meonghani_ _seo_ _itneun_ _neoege_ _mureo_  

   
_dashi_ _doedoragal_ _su_ _eopneun_ _geolkka_  

   
_geulsse_ _jal_ _molla_ _nado_ _jal_ _molla_  

 

A little past 9pm, both Soonyoung and Jihoon were drunk. The two were laughing at each other’s face, throwing insult after insult with the occassional pinching, pushing and pulling. Jihoon would throw empty threats at Soonyoung who would just laugh and throw in some pick-up lines here and there, it was ridiculous. At some point, Seungcheol, Joshua and Seokmin just stared at them, holding their laughter as Jihoon insulted Soonyoung’s eyes. 

 

“Heeeeeey, Soonyouuuung, where are your eyes? Put them back.” Jihoon slurs, patting Soonyoung’s face with his sweaty hands. The taller man grumbles and grabs Jihoon’s hands, intertwining their fingers in absence.  

“What are you talking about? My eyes are there!” Soonyoung pouts, putting Jihoon’s hands back on his face where his eyes should be. 

 

Seokmin couldn't hold it anymore. He slaps a hand over his mouth as the laughter spilled. It didn’t take long before Seungcheol and Joshua join him. The three of becoming a laughing mess on their side of the room. Even Mingyu and Wonwoo had to laugh. Their friends were definitely out of the loop. 

 

“Let’s play a game.” Jihoon smiles widely, sitting up straight, at least he tried to until the alcohol’s effect knocks him back. He was forced to hung his head low just so he could talk to Soonyoung. 

“What game?” Soonyoung’s face scrunches as he tried to focus his vision at Jihoon’s flushed face.  

“Cham cham cham and to make it fun, if I win, you treat me out to lunch tomorrow.” To everyone who heard that, it sounded like a date. Wonwoo couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He erupts into a laughing fit as he looks at their serious faces. 

“And if I win?” Soonyoung swayed, holding a hand against his temple. 

“Your choice.” Jihoon shrugs. He was out of commission at that point.  

“Hmm...” looking around, Soonyoung tried to look for inspiration for his end of the bargain. His eyes landed on Seungcheol’s bar piercing on his ear. It looked cool. “Okay, you get a bar... on your nipple.”  

 

Everyone explodes then. Mingyu and Wonwoo threw their head back as they laughed out loud to their ridiculous consequences. Seokmin and Joshua were wheezing, holding their stomachs as the laughter wouldn’t subside while Jeonghan and Seungcheol had tears in their eyes from laughing too much. These two were really making their night. What made them laugh harder was that Jihoon agreed to it, a stupid smile on his face as he nods his head.  

 

And so their game of Cham Cham Cham starts. Soonyoung was the first one to go. For a while, the both of them looked serious until Soonyoung moved his hand. Mingyu had expected Soonyoung to lose but apparently, the deities in the heavens were on his side. Jihoon fell for every direction Soonyoung’s hand went. He screamed when he got all five wrong. It surpised Mingyu that Soonyoung was actually winning which only meant one thing... he wasn’t really as drunk as they all expected him to be. 

 

 _What a sly fox._ Mingyu grins at the thought.  

 

When it was Jihoon’s turn to go, Soonyoung only got one wrong, which meant Jihoon was definitely getting that bar. 

 

“I WIN!” Soonyoung holds his arms up in victory, cheering at his own achievement. 

“What’s a bar on the nipple?” The look on Jihoon’s face meant he was serious about his question. An intoxicated Jihoon was a dumb one apparently. 

“It means this gets pierced.”  

 

Without any warning, Soonyoung runs his large hand on Jihoon’s chest, involuntarily making Jihoon rest on his back, as his finger rub Jihoon’s right nipple through the fabric. It elicits a low moan from Jihoon. Seungcheol and Jeonghan were the first ones to stand after witnessing such a scene but as they got close enough to push Soonyoung away, Jihoon was already asleep.  

 

“Wow, he fell asleep.” Soonyoung deadpans.  

“He has low tolerance for alcoholic drinks.” Wonwoo says. He stands up from his seat and exchanges with Seungcheol. He puts Jihoon’s head on his lap and runs a hand through the other’s sweat soaked hair. “I think it’s time to head home. This one has already exhausted himself enough.” There was a sweet smile on Wonwoo’s face as he continued to run his hand through Jihoon’s hair.  

“I don’t think Mingyu is in any condition to drive tonight.” Seungcheol points out. Wonwoo lifts his gaze and finds Mingyu’s head bobbing. For a large person, Mingyu looked like a sleepy puppy. “I’ll drive you guys if Mingyu lets me. Maybe they can stay in your apartment for the night?”  

“That sounds like a recipe for disaster hyung.” Wonwoo chuckles. He moves his gaze at Soonyoung who was also laying down on his back. The other was just staring at the ceiling mindlessly. “But it can’t be helped. We have a bunch of babies here. Just come by early tomorrow okay? I’ll bet Jihoon will have a hangover.”  

“Roger.”  

 

Their group leaves the bar at exactly 10:03pm. Joshua had offered to drive Seokmin and Jeonghan home, saying his farewells as they went to their respective cars. Seungcheol had Jihoon in his arms, carrying him like a bride as they made their way to Mingyu’s car. It was a funny sight as Mingyu and Soonyoung stumbled to get in the car. Between them, Jihoon laid asleep. Of course, Soonyoung takes the chance to pull Jihoon to him, letting the shorter man rest his head on Soonyoung’s shoulder. This doesn’t go unnoticed as Seungcheol gets on the driver’s seat. He knows when people were attracted to Jihoon, he went through that phase himself.  

 

The drive back to Wonwoo and Jihoon’s apartment was quiet. The only noise they could hear was the ACU and the low volume of music from the radio.  

 

Luckily, in that 20-minute drive, Jihoon comes to consciouness. At first, he doesn’t realize he was resting against Soonyoung’s shoulder until they were getting out. He groaned as Soonyoung’s warmth left him. Slowly and agonizingly, he pulls himself out of the car where Seungcheol was waiting. He jumps on Seungcheol’s back, piggyback riding all the way to the third floor where their apartment was. Once inside, Seungcheol brings Jihoon to his room where he lays the other on his bed slowly. Seungcheol moves with such familiarity that it didn’t faze Jihoon anymore. He feels a weight on his bed as the older man strips him off of his sweaty shirt. Seungcheol pulls a fresh oversized t-shirt down Jihoon’s exposed upper body, tugging on Jihoon’s pants next. 

 

“Take them off.” Seungcheol says as he grabs the comforters to cover Jihoon.  

 

His head was pounding. Jihoon hated feeling like shit but he only had himself to blame for such tragedy. Unzipping his pants, he pulls them half-way before giving up, raising his arm in the air instead to call for Seungcheol. 

 

“Cheolieeeee.” he whines, suddenly finding the lights offensive. “I can’t... get my pants off.”  

“Oh my god.” Seungcheol sighs. He grabs under the comforters and pulls Jihoon’s pants off, throwing the article of clothing at the hamper. “I left a glass of water on the bed side table and some medicine, drink it when you wake up later okay? I’ll be back in the morning to make you breakast.”  

“Mh... Thank you Cheolie.” he feels Seungcheol plant a kiss on his forehead then the lights were off. 

 

Outside, Wonwoo was in the process of pulling a clean shirt on Mingyu’s exhausted frame. As soon as he had changed out from his sweater and got his pants off, Mingyu drops down the couch and pulls the blanket over his head.  

 

“You think you’ll be okay tonight Wonu?” Seungcheol asks. He spares a glance at Soonyoung who was at kitchen sink, washing his face.  

“Yeah, I can manage the big baby but I don’t know about the small one. He's usually noisier than Mingyu when he has a hangover.” He sighs. The night had been fun but now that it was over, Wonwoo could only feel exhaustion. He joins Soonyoung by the sink and starts to brush his teeth. 

“See you tomorrow then! Good night guys!”  

 

As soon as Seungcheol leaves, Soonyoung roams about the apartment. There wasn’t much personality in the living room but looking inside Jihoon and Wonwoo’s rooms, that’s where the fun starts. Slowly, he walks to the direction of Jihoon’s room. He stands at the doorway and looks at Jihoon’s sleeping form. He looked so peaceful, Soonyoung could look at him all night. It was cute that there were glowing stars on the wall and a galaxy themed night light in Jihoon’s room. It felt like there was an entire universe inside there.  

 

“I left a pillow and blanket on the other couch. Make yourself at home, I’m going to bed. Good night Soonyoung.”  

“Good night Wonwoo.” He heard Wonwoo yawn, leaving the door of his room open just in case anyone needed him.  

 

Once he was sure Wonwoo was in bed, Soonyoung takes the pillow from the spare couch and walks back to Jihoon’s room. Slowly and carefully, as if he was some spy, he gets in bed with Jihoon, reaching an arm over Jihoon’s small body. Instantly, Jihoon pushes back against Soonyoung’s body. It makes Soonyoung’s heart race as he realized he was spooning with a man he just met that night. He hadn’t felt this kind of warmth with Wonwoo. It was definitely different with Jihoon. As his eyes adjust to the dimness, he finally gets a visual on Jihoon’s sleeping face. With one hand supporting his head, Soonyoung traces a finger against Jihoon’s smooth face. He looked so delicate like that. Eaerlier on the dance floor, Soonyoung couldn’t take his eyes off him. Jihoon danced with such grace he was warped in another plane. The party lights helped emphasize his talent and Soonyoung knew he was attracted. It was like they were two magnets. He couldn’t even help himself from touching the other and grinding against him, he got carried away with his emotions. Thinking back at the happenings earlier that night, Soonyoung felt giddy. He remembered how he won their game and that Jihoon agreed to having his nipple pierced, which excited him that he had to touch Jihoon for it. Soonyoung squealed internally. He hoped Jihoon remembers about it when he wakes up because he was excited for it. He’d make sure Jihoon gets that piercing even if it meant he had to accompany Jihoon to the piercing shop. 

 

That night, Soonyoung falls asleep with contentment and happiness in his heart. He prayed to any deity up in the heavens that this wasn’t a dream. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk whats up with Ao3 cutting sentences like that. It looks perfectly fine in MS Word :/ 
> 
> Leave a comment and tell me what you thinj about it!
> 
> The songs here are With you/With me and I don't know


	6. Whipped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Building a relationship takes time, we all know that but what if you know that deep inside you, despite the short interaction, that this is something more? That there can be something more if you put your heart into it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the title implies, Kwon Soonyoung is whipped for Lee Jihoon.
> 
> Also Meanie.
> 
> follow me on twitter: @rstarisk96

Just like any weekend, Wonwoo and Jihoon always stay in their beds until late 9am. But in this case, when the both of them had just came from a drinking slash karaoke party the previous night, they were restless, especially Jihoon whose head was pounding against his skull. Despite the absence of pants, he felt stuffy. There was a warmth on his back he couldn’t explain which made sleeping harder. So like any logical being, he tried to open his eyes to investigate this source of heat.   

  

Jihoon was about to step out of his bed when he felt something hold him back. Reaching down to his waist, grabbing at the arm wrapping tightly around him. If only he didn’t have a freaking headache, he would have pulled that arm off easily. Sighing, Jihoon decided to turn around instead. He was expecting Wonwoo's face to come into view but the face in front of him made him scream instead.   

  

Soonyoung was deep in slumber when his body woke him up from Jihoon's ear deafening scream. He immediately jolts awake, pulling himself up and hitting the back of his head at the wall behind him. He groans as the pain made itself known, squinting his eyes as the harsh morning light attack him.   

  

“What’s going on?” Seungcheol busts the door open. He gasps as he sees Jihoon on the floor, rubbing at his butt, and Soonyoung on the bed, rubbing the back of his head. “What are you doing in Jihoon's room?!” panic starts to rise in Seungcheol's chest as he approaches Jihoon to help him. The shorter man groans as he was pulled up, grabbing at his head as the pounding intensified.  

“I can promise you nothing happened! I just… crawled next to him. That's all!” Soonyoung got off the bed and tried to pacify Seungcheol. The look on the other's face was enough to make Soonyoung understand the situation he was in. Seungcheol was mad.  

“Are you sure you didn't touch him?” Seungcheol asks, pulling Jihoon extremely close to him.  

“W-wh—what do you mean?! You think I'm a pervert?” Soonyoung looked at Seungcheol as if he was talking gibberish. He didn't touch Jihoon… right?  

“Well you were real touchy with him last night so I wouldn’t be surprise- OW!” Seungcheol stops mid-way as Jeonghan came in to hit him on the head with a newspaper roll. The long-haired man didn’t look pleased.   

“You guys are too noisy. Mingyu is still sleeping outside and Wonwoo and I would appreciate you tone your voices down.” Jeonghan gives one more look at them before leaving, returning to the kitchen with Wonwoo to cook breakfast.  

  

Soonyoung and Seungcheol exchanged looks. The older was not impressed with Soonyoung, not one bit but remembering the events last night, he pulled away from their staring contest. Once things have calmed down, Jihoon pulls himself away from Seungcheol and staggers back to his bed, flopping down as he point at his windows.  

  

“Can you put a curtain on that? It's so bright… Ugh.” Another groan escapes Jihoon's lips. This time, he doesn't pull the comforter over him, exposing his thighs and legs for all of them to see.  

  

Of course, Soonyoung takes the chance. Compared to the girls he had been, nothing can compare to Jihoon's smooth legs. He was paler than most people Soonyoung had met. Aside from the physical preference, Jihoon was also talented and Soonyoung couldn’t wait to know more about the man he literally just slept with.   

  

Irritation starts to bubble in Seungcheol's chest as he watches Soonyoung stare at his friend's exhausted body. This guy was really something. Grabbing the blue-haired man’s arm, Seungcheol pulls Soonyoung out of Jihoon's room and forces him to sit on the couch where Soonyoung was originally supposed to sleep in. He looks Soonyoung down and squints his eyes, crossing his arms in hopes that he gets the message.  

  

“Let’s talk Kwon Soonyoung.” Somewhere behind them, Jeonghan sighs. He knew where this was going and it was going to be a full blown interrogation. Seungcheol was crazy protective of Jihoon.   

“W-what?” suddenly, Soonyoung felt the air around them tense. At his left, Mingyu remained asleep. The guy could really sleep.   

“Last night, when both of you were high on your rocker, you guys made this stupid bet. We’re you really serious on that nipple piercing thing?” Jeonghan snorts. He holds a hand over his mouth as he and Wonwoo continue to make breakfast. Seungcheol shoots them a glare before returning his gaze to Soonyoung, awaiting an answer from their guest.  

“Of course! Why would I joke something we both agreed on?”  

“Because Jihoon is delica-“  

“He’s going to kill you if he hears you say that, hyung.” Wonwoo comments from his spot in the kitchen. The air was starting to smell like pancakes. Soonyoung, who was starving, groaned at the aroma.  

“You should cut him some slack hyung. He made the decision himself, at least let me talk to him about it.” Soonyoung grins. He gets up from the couch and circles around to get to the kitchen were Wonwoo was flipping pancakes.   

  

Seungcheol could only sigh. He hoped that everything would be alright. Soonyoung was coming out too strong for his liking.  

  

After a few minutes spent in the kitchen, Wonwoo and Jeonghan emerge with scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon and hot chocolate. Soonyoung shrugs Mingyu awake, pulling his dorm mate up from his laying position. Mingyu glared at him but as soon as he sees Wonwoo set a plate and mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table for him, he lights up, greeting the other a “good morning”. The sight was cringe-worthy Soonyoung had to gag. Jihoon comes out from his room, face wet from washing his face (Seungcheol forced him to). Seungcheol was close behind with a towel at hand, patting off the excess water on his face as they both sat opposite from Mingyu and Soonyoung.   

  

Everyone else greeted Jihoon a good morning but Jihoon just nodded his head, yawning. Even as he held his mug, he nodded off that Seungcheol and Jeonghan had to hold things for him, occasionally feeding him a forkful of pancakes. It was adorable that Jihoon could look so feeble especially when people made it sound he was capable of scary things. Looking at Jihoon was definitely a treat for Soonyoung. With the light streaming through the blinds, the morning felt ethereal. Jihoon seemed to glow like a fairy as light shine on him. The sight looked brilliant that Soonyoung just had to capture the moment. It puts a smile on his lips as he stare at the shot he had just taken. Lifting his gaze from his phone, he notices Seungcheol staring at him. It was quite unnerving when someone stares at you with squinted eyes. It was as if Soonyoung had just committed a crime and Seungcheol was there to witness it. Jeonghan notices the discomfort in Soonyoung and slaps Seungcheol on the arm to get his attention, pinching him on his side to stop making Soonyoung uncomfortable. Overall, they had a pleasant breakfast.   

  

“Hey Jihoon.” Wonwoo pats Jihoon's leg, getting a delayed response from his best friend who forgot he was chewing on a piece of bacon.  

“Yeah?”   

“Do you remember the game from last night?” There was a smirk on Wonwoo's lips as he asks this. Mingyu, on the other hand, chokes on his chocolate drink as the image of Soonyoung and Jihoon playing cham cham cham play in his mind.  

  

It takes Jihoon a moment to remember but the look on his face says it all. His eyes widen first then he looks down on his chest, running a small hand through his clothed chest in case there were any weird bumps under it.  

  

“Did I get my nipple pierced last night? I can't remember.” He was still running a hand around his chest, searching for a bump that was never there.   

“We're definitely going to a piercing shop to get you one, since you lost and all.” There was a huge smile on Soonyoung's face.   

“Will it hurt?” Soonyoung could only shrug. “This is why I hate drinking.” Jihoon groans. He covers his face with his hands and let’s out a frustrated groan.  

“Hey, no going back on your word okay?”   

“He doesn't have to get that piercing if doesn't want to.” Seungcheol butts in. He yelps as Jeonghan pinches his thigh from beneath the table, eyes telling him to shut up.  

“It's alright hyung. I've been meaning to get another piercing it’s just that… I wasn’t planning anywhere than my ear.”   

“By the way, isn't it festival week next week?” Mingyu changes their topic. The talk about piercing was starting to unnerve him. “What does the Music department have in store for us this year?”  

“I have no idea.” Jihoon confesses though he had seen fellow Music department friends getting ready for next week's activities. He side glances at Wonwoo who just shrugs. “I’m pretty sure they'd do a concert or joint activities with the Theater Arts student like last year? Didn't they do a performance stage? There was even a pageant for the Ms. Music and Dance. That was a good one.”   

“What about you guys in the Law?” this question was directed at Jeonghan who was in the middle of stealing Seungcheol's bacon.  

“We're doing an eating competition. My idea of course.” Everyone knew that Jeonghan was a huge eater. Compared to Jihoon who was always eating, Jeonghan had a bigger appetite compared to Seungcheol and Jihoon combined.   

“That's so you hyung.” Jihoon laughs. “What about the Business department?”   

“I heard from the girls that they were planning on some cosplay or pop-up café… or were they going to sell stuff? I’m not exactly sure. I don’t pay attention to the younger batches.” Seungcheol shrugs. Usually when there were general meetings, he would just sleep through it. In their circle of friends, he was the only business management student. Everyone else was in Law, Music or Theater arts.   

“You should pay more attention next time.” Jeonghan advises.   

“But it's my last year. You can't blame me if I get lazy.”   

“Aish, so stubborn.” Jeonghan smiles fondly.   

  

They finish breakfast and help with the cleaning. Unlike Mingyu and Soonyoung's dorm, this apartment was filled with music. Wonwoo and Jihoon were humming or singing to the songs their phones played. Wherever they went, something was playing. It sort of creeped Soonyoung that these guys were always listening to music and singing along. Just how much does one person listen to a song repeatedly?   

  

That night, they all met again in Wonwoo and Jihoon's apartment for movie night. Despite meeting recently, Mingyu and Soonyoung were invited over to watch horror movies. But before Mingyu and Soonyoung could climb up to Jihoon and Wonwoo's apartment, Mingyu pulls him to the side to talk.   

  

“I know it's blaring obvious but do you like Wonwoo's best friend?” Mingyu was the type to ask directly especially when he and Soonyoung were dorm mates. People could say they were best friends minus the skinship Jihoon and Wonwoo displayed often.   

“I think I do.” Soonyoung still wasn’t sure but standing there outside Jihoon's apartment, he was slightly sure of it. The feelings he had developed over the day hadn't wavered since. He even got Jihoon's number and they’ve been messaging each other non-stop.   

“So does that mean your forfeit?”  _Ah so that's where this was all going._   

“I guess. You already have his attention anyway.” Stating the obvious makes Mingyu smile. Soonyoung was there when Mingyu wouldn't shut up about how Wonwoo had helped him during his first day of classes. It was such a cliché thing, Soonyoung even found it unbelievable at first.  

“Hey, you haven’t even tell me how you became attracted to Jihoon. Didn't you tell me not to keep secrets? Spill Soonyoung. I want to know the exact moment.” Soonyoung laughs at him. Sure, they've only met yesterday but Soonyoung had a strong gut feeling that Jihoon was different from his previous crushes.  

“Remember when Wonwoo told him it was his song? See, in dancing, making a whole Choreo for that kind of beat was kind of hard. At least for some people who aren't in my level of skills.” Mingyu snorts at Soonyoung's confidence. He nods at Soonyoung to continue his story. “I guess I got curious when he said he could dance better than anyone else. Let's be honest for a moment, I'm the best dancer in this batch and hearing that from someone who wasn't from the same program, well I got real curious so I challenged him. As you saw yesterday, he was really, REALLY, good. I couldn’t even take my eyes off of him! I thought he was just bluffing but he was really impressive… then he rolled his body and I just lost it.” Soonyoung releases a sigh he didn’t realize he was holding. Suddenly, the temperature around the collar of his shirt increased, it was getting quite hot.   

“So you got attracted physically?” Mingyu couldn’t believe it.  

“No! He was talented okay? And feisty too. Not to mention he can sing really well. It's like, you’d think he's all quiet at first glance but he actually has a flare into him. I like people who aren’t scared to express themselves. He showed me something entirely new last night and that was just in the first meeting. This morning, I also didn’t expect that side of him where he's all fluffy and squishy, I just want to cuddle him. I’ve never felt that kind of urge with Wonwoo.” Soonyoung confesses. Thinking about it, he wasn't even sure why he liked Wonwoo in the first place. It might just have been a spur of the moment thing.  

“Okay. Thank you for making it clear aaaaaand we're officially 15 minutes late. Let's go up.”   

  

What they saw once Wonwoo opened the door surprises them. Between the couches was a huge mattress with lots of pillows on it. Amidst the mountain of pillows and blankets was Jihoon laying on his stomach with a few pillows on top of him. He looked like a deflated balloon laying lifeless on the mattress, just like a kid who exhausted himself from playing too much.  

  

“Excuse my best friend for not getting up to greet you both. He has been lazy the whole day because it was too hot he says. I hope you don’t mind the coldness. Jihoon hates getting sweaty so we usually kept the air conditioning on.” Wonwoo ushers them to the middle of the room where Jihoon was laying in. Feeling their presence, the shorter man rolled on his back and grabbed three pillows, hugging them tight in his arms.  

“You guys are late. I hope you brought compensation.” Jihoon says as he stares at them in such a way they couldn't take their eyes off of him.  

  

Of course, they didn’t disappoint. In Mingyu's hand was a whole container of Dakgangjeong. They knew they couldn’t go wrong with chicken. At the sight of it, Jihoon gets up from the mattress, takes the said container and never lets go of it, a small grin etching his face.   

  

“So what do you guys want to watch? Jihoon downloaded a few movies but we can always watch something old.” Wonwoo had turned off all the lights. The only lights that illuminated the dim apartment was the night light at the kitchen and in Jihoon's room. “We have a bunch of Marvel movies and some romantic movies, things Jihoon and I watch for inspiration. There are also some Chinese movies, some Jackie Chan, end of the world movies and a lot more.”   

“How about something western? Like those zombie apocalypse movies.” Soonyoung suggests. He was sitting next to Jihoon who was slowly opening the lid of the container if not for Soonyoung holding his hand to stop and mouthing later.  

“Oh Jihoon loves this one.” Wonwoo clicks on a file and the screen of their flat screen turns black. Soon, the introduction music plays, displaying the logo of the production team of the movie.   

  

Soonyoung had never seen this one. He wasn't the type to go to the theaters to watch a movie unless it was a date so he kept his eyes on the screen, completely enamored by the city scape the movie projected. On his side, Jihoon paid little attention to the screen. He had already seen the movie multiple times and was more interested with the Dakgangjeong Mingyu brought. Discreetly, he opens the container and takes a piece of chicken, delighted that Mingyu used fillet instead of drumstick. He munches on a piece as the other three watch in concentration. Jihoon knew the smell of the spices was filling the air but that didn’t stop him from taking another, then another, then another. By his fourth piece, Soonyoung grabs his hand which was holding the chicken and shoves the whole piece in his mouth, Jihoon's fingers included. The action leaves Jihoon dumb-founded. One moment he had a piece of chicken in his hand, the next it was gone. He looks at Soonyoung, his face illuminated by the screen's light, and watches the other smile at him, his eyes turning into slits. Then he looks back at his hand, which Soonyoung was still holding, and thought about Soonyoung’s saliva on it. He cringes at the thought and moves to wipe the substance on Soonyoung's cheek. Soonyoung just stares at him as the sound of gun shots echo in the silent room.  

  

 _Did he really just wipe my spit on my face?_ Soonyoung couldn’t believe how daring Jihoon could be. Most people wouldn’t even dream of touching his face but Jihoon, whom he just met yesterday, was already on another level. Lee Jihoon was really something.   

  

“You shouldn’t steal people's food.” Jihoon says quietly, taking another piece from the container.  

“Then you shouldn't steal people's hearts.” Soonyoung jokes. There was that fuzzy feeling again as he says such cheesy lines.  

“Whatever.” Thankfully, Soonyoung wasn’t able to see the blush that Jihoon was sporting. No one has ever told him that.   

  

The both of them return their gazes at the screen to watch the movie again. Somehow, the both of them end up sitting against the couch, Jihoon occasionally feeding Soonyoung chicken. Food and cola were passed between the four of them. There’d be times Wonwoo would throw in a comment or Jihoon screaming at how stupid the characters were. It kept the atmosphere lively to the point they'd all theorize about the ending (even though Jihoon already knew it). By the end of the first movie, they've finished the food Mingyu and Soonyoung brought. They all agreed to test for five minutes before starting their next movie which was a Marvel one, voted by the majority.   

  

10 minutes in Captain America: the winter soldier, Soonyoung was freezing. While Jihoon could withstand the cold with his oversized t-shirt and short shorts, Soonyoung who was already wearing sweats and a long sleeve shirt was shivering. Jihoon takes notice and pulls a cover on him but Soonyoung had other plans. As he pulls the blanket over his shoulder, he also pulls Jihoon to him, hugging the smaller man in his arms. At that moment, Soonyoung could feel Jihoon stiffen against him. He also felt the crazy beating of the other's heart accompanied by the increasing heat in his skin. Was Jihoon flustered?   

  

 _Cute._ Soonyoung thought.   

  

He leans close to Jihoon's ear and whispers:  

  

“You’re feeling kind of warm.” It makes Jihoon shudder at how Soonyoung's breath brushes against his ear. Where were this butterflies coming from?  

  

He turns his head enough to glare at Soonyoung, squeezing his inner thigh which almost makes Soonyoung Yelp from surprise. Wonwoo spares them a glance from his seat next to Mingyu and says:   

  

“I’d be careful around him Soonyoung. Jihoon bites, literally.”   

“Sounds kinky- ah! What the hell?” to prove his point, Jihoon bites his shoulder.   

“Told you. He was a cat in his past life so you have to be vigilant.” Wonwoo chuckles, returning to the movie with his head resting on Mingyu's shoulder.  

“Do you scratch too?” Soonyoung muses. Jihoon just rolls his eyes at him.   

“Try me.” Was all Jihoon could say.   

  

Half-way through the movie, Wonwoo and Mingyu fall asleep which leaves Jihoon and Soonyoung to their own devices. On the screen, it showed Iron Man fighting with Captain America. Soonyoung had seen this movie a million times already and he knew how it was going to end while Jihoon, who claimed earlier that he has seen in just as much, still had his eyes glued on the screen. It was kind of boring watching the same movie again and again so Soonyoung leans in close again, pulling Jihoon by the waist. Jihoon pays him no attention even though he was sitting in between Soonyoung's legs. He was focused on the screen to care about Soonyoung's advances.  

  

 _Wow_ _Wonwoo_ _was right. This guy has no romantic bone._   _Skinship_ _comes naturally to him huh? Let's see._   

  

Soonyoung hugs Jihoon tight. He tests his chin on Jihoon's shoulder, trying to act cute for Jihoon to notice him. But it was no use. Captain America was more powerful than Soonyoung thought. So he did the most logical thing a horny college student would do: he kissed Jihoon's exposed neck. Jihoon shudders in Soonyoung’s arms, still completely unaware what Soonyoung was trying to do. It was after a few more kisses on Jihoon's neck did he turn around to face Soonyoung.  

  

“What are you doing?” Jihoon asks quietly. Next to them, Mingyu and Wonwoo were fast asleep. Mingyu was even snoring lightly.  

“Trying to get your attention. Come on, you’ve seen this movie like a million times.” Soonyoung whines.  

“But it’s awesome and besides… you act as if you're my boyfriend.” Jihoon snorts, unwrapping Soonyoung's arms around his waist.   

“Don't you want me to be?” Soonyoung looks at Jihoon's face sternly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable.  

“Um… I don't think you'd enjoy my company after you get to know me.” Under Soonyoung's gaze, Jihoon felt small.   

“What are you even saying? You're really cool.”  

“That’s what everyone says the first time.”   

  

Jihoon looks away, pulling his knees close to him as his gaze return to the screen. He had heard that phrase a million times it was losing his touch. Jihoon was cool but that was it. Beyond cool, he was no one. Soonyoung telling him that he didn’t see Jihoon around campus only proves how uneasy it was for him to socialize. All the confidence from earlier diminished the longer he thought about what Soonyoung had said.   

  

He thought things were going steady between them but Jihoon blowing him off was something Soonyoung wasn’t prepared for. Maybe because he always got his way with people, it was so easy to make people swoon especially girls due to his bubbly personality but with someone he's actually trying to pin on like Wonwoo (before) and Jihoon (now), he was speechless. He wasn’t lying when he said Jihoon was cool. The guy had made a great impression and if that was enough basis, Soonyoung was sure the rest of Lee Jihoon was just as pleasant. At least that’s what he believed but now that Jihoon had dismissed his advances, Soonyoung was having second thoughts. He thought Jihoon felt the same way. They had been talking the whole day through messages and Jihoon really sounded cool. Was he wrong to think that there was a chance? It was quite maddening to not know anything at the moment.   

  

Soonyoung felt heat rise in his cheeks. He couldn’t accept the fact that Jihoon had just brushed him off. Instead of exploding there, in an unfamiliar neighborhood, he gets up and leaves, slamming the door behind him enough to jolt Wonwoo and Mingyu awake. Jihoon could only look at the direction of their front door where Soonyoung had just went through. He suddenly felt ugly from the happening.  

  

“What happened?” Wonwoo asks as soon as he pulls away from Mingyu, finding Jihoon in a state of discomfort.   

  

Jihoon simply shakes his head and gets up, a sigh escaping his lips as he made his way to their bathroom in silence. Mingyu and Wonwoo exchanged confused looks as they got up. Apparently, movie night was ruined.   

  

Inside their shared bathroon, Jihoon stares at his reflection. This was one of those moments the insecurity was overwhelming. Maybe he just wanted someone to fight him over the feeling of not being enough but with how fast Soonyoung walked out on him, he felt magnitudes insignificance that night. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. This is why no one ever approaches him the way people approach Wonwoo.  

  

It was ridiculous that Mingyu had to run after his dorm mate. He wanted to spend another night at Wonwoo’s apartment but something had to happen and Soonyoung had to leave, making the atmosphere in the apartment tense. Luckily, before Mingyu went, Wonwoo had to pull him to the side, tell him to take care and maybe, just maybe, Wonwoo had kissed him goodnight before closing the door. Mingyu was so shocked he forgot to breath. As he climbed down the stairs to his car, all he could really think about was Wonwoo’s smiling face and the kiss he had just received. Maybe the night wasn’t ruined after all.   

  

* * *

 

  

There was a coolness in the air as Jihoon walked beside Wonwoo as they looked around the campus. Around them, people were bustling through, putting up tents for the week-long festivities. The colors being put up were immaculate that Jihoon couldn’t decide where to look. Whenever he sees something peculiar, he nudges Wonwoo and points, making small conversation with his best friend. It was times like these that Jihoon appreciates Wonwoo’s existence. They may banter a lot but when he needed someone to be there in his lowest, Wonwoo was ready to drop everything. By the time they arrived by the Theater arts area, Jihoon was gasping in awe at the carnival theme they had going on. It was quite exciting how their department was setting up real fast they might even be finished by tomorrow morning.   

  

“Wonwoo!” Someone calls.  

  

Both Jihoon and Wonwoo turn around. Approaching them was Mingyu, wearing a muscle shirt and all sweaty. A lot of heads turned as the taller man came to a stop in front of them. Wonwoo, for the first time in forever in Jihoon’s life, blushed mad under his bucket hat. It makes Jihoon giggle, something he never does but there he was, giggling at how cute his best friend was being. Jihoon watches as the both of them interact, watches as Wonwoo hit Mingyu lightly on the arm, watches as Wonwoo laugh at a joke Mingyu tells him and watches the smile the two have on their faces. After a few minutes watching them, Jihoon starts to feel awkward. He shifts from one foot to another, waiting for his friends to finish their conversation.   

  

From the corner of his vision, he notices blue. Jihoon follows it instinctively, his heart skipping a beat at the thought of who it might be. Just a few feet from them, carrying a few materials for their attraction, was Soonyoung. He was also wearing a muscle shirt like Mingyu which emphasized his toned arms. Everything seemed to blend at that moment. The wind was blowing gently, letting the autumn leaves fly, there was a sweetness in the air as people worked on their perspective projects, smiling as they find the fun in it. Soonyoung was also smiling. He was laughing at something someone was telling him. The smile on his face sticks Jihoon to his spot. His gaze was fixed on the smile Soonyoung was presenting as sweat travel down his temple and neck, a look Jihoon found extremely sexy. He had been staring too long that Soonyoung took notice. As soon as Soonyoung looks back, he catches Jihoon avoiding his gaze. It was quite obvious that the other was staring, Soonyoung just didn’t acknowledge it since he still felt a little cheated after what happened last time.   

  

  

“Wonwoo, I’m gonna go.” Jihoon grabs his friend’s attention first, grabbing Mingyu’s as well as he makes a move to the opposite the direction, back to their department building. 

“Yeah okay. I’ll see you at the practice room?” Wonwoo expected Jihoon to answer yes but he wasn’t prepared for the answer the shorter man gave him. 

“Actually, why don’t you and Mingyu go out for dinner or something.” A smirk visible in Jihoon’s face. “He looks like he’s ready to literally take you out. Am I right, Mingyu?” Mingyu simply bites his lower lip, trying to hold back the grin that dared to come out. “Right. So I’ll leave you guys in your own world again. Bye.”  

  

They waved goodbye at one another as Jihoon departs. He keeps his gaze forward, scared of what he might find if he looked back. He was still not ready to face Soonyoung, or anyone that wasn’t his friends as a matter of fact. What happened during Saturday left a lingering sense of insecurity in Jihoon’s heart. Thinking about it the whole weekend made him dread of the week that was to come. And because Jihoon was really good at beating himself up, he climbs to the top most floor of their building, where the practice rooms are usually deserted and locks himself up in a piano room, closing the curtain too. This was his sanctuary aside from his room. This was the only place he could actually express his inner demons. The idea of seeing Soonyoung after the unfortunate events during movie night had Jihoon on edge. That feeling overpowered him, like a damn breaking loose, so he stayed in that practice room, playing the piano frustratedly, hoping no one would notice his absence in the coming hours. 

  

The people in his department annoyed him. Soonyoung hated how people, especially the ladies, looked at him. He knew those looks well enough to avoid them. It was quite stressing at first when he had learnt that Mingyu wasn’t in the same department as him. The guy had been his shield when it came to uncomfortable situations mostly caused by the female population. Mingyu was a chick magnet no doubt about that, but Soonyoung had his own attractions too and usually it attracted the wrong crowd. The last time he had went to a mixer party, one of the female participants had cornered him when he had tried to walk away. If it wasn’t for his younger department friends, he wouldn’t have gone. The girl had claimed she liked the way Soonyoung moved in the dance floor, especially the way he moved his hips and how his sharp eyes and looked. It was as if Soonyoung’s whole presence was provoking her to take him then. Soonyoung almost gagged upon hearing it. Was that all he was to people who saw him? Those were the moments he really appreciated Wonwoo’s straight-forwardness. The man didn’t care about his outside appearance. Wonwoo was the type to test and confirm, which in Soonyoung’s part, was very understandable. At least someone was trying to see him from another angle. Until he meet Jihoon, who had more spunk than Wonwoo. It was quite funny how the both of them screamed trouble. While Mingyu was whipped as hell for Wonwoo, Soonyoung cannot deny that he was also for Jihoon. After the happenings last time, he hadn’t stopped thinking about Jihoon, about what could have caused the other to withdraw when they were having such a good time. Soonyoung really liked his company. Even their messages were enough to put him in a good mood not because he was physically attracted to Jihoon, but because the other had challenged him in many aspects. When did Soonyoung ever meet anyone who thought Boruto was a brat? Most people don’t even watch anime when they reach college yet there he was, still watching anime and finding someone who does too and still rocking it. Jihoon was really cool in Soonyoung’s eyes. He just couldn’t understand why Jihoon didn’t have that much confidence about himself. 

  

A few minutes past 5:30pm, Soonyoung departs from their department’s attraction. He waves a good bye and goes on to search for Mingyu. Of course, once he spotted his dorm mate, Wonwoo was with him too. They were in food park area of the campus, eating hamburger and fries when he approached them.  

  

“Hey. You done with the hammering?” Mingyu was the first to notice him. As soon as Wonwoo realizes that Mingyu was talking to someone behind his back, the other waved him a hello. 

“Yeah. Finally! I’m starving!” Soonyoung takes the empty seat next to Wonwoo, noticing that there was one person missing. “Where’s Jihoon?”  

“He left earlier, didn’t say where.” Mingyu answers, his shoulders shrugging after. 

“He’s probably just in his favourite practice room. He’s just moping, let him be. He’ll text or call when he wants to be found.” Wonwoo dismisses coolly. He knew when to give his best friend the space he always needs.  

“Wait, that means he’s…” Mingyu starts to count with his fingers. “Been practicing for seven hours?”  

“He doesn’t necessarily practice…” Suddenly, Wonwoo’s facial changes as if he had been hit by a sack of bricks. “It’s been seven hours?!” Mingyu nods in confirmation, feeling some sense of urgency from from Wonwoo’s surprised tone. “Shit. Seungcheol hyung is going to kill me.”  

“What’s going on?” Soonyoung wasn’t sure what was going on. The next thing he knew, Wonwoo was grabbing his tote bag and walking away. He looks at Mingyu who just shrugs again before they follow after. 

“What’s going on, Wonwoo?” Soonyoung asks again, walking on Wonwoo’s left side as Mingyu took the right. 

“It’s just a rule we have with Jihoon. We can’t leave him alone for more than 5 hours unless he’s in the apartment.” Wonwoo huffs, hastening his pace. “You see, he has this tendency to be numb.” He puts his fingers up for emphasis. “Jihoon’s an only child and his father isn’t the supportive type. You can guess that much right?” it takes a while but Soonyoung understood. Wonwoo continues to explain as they fast walk to the Music department building, all lights off except for one. “Basically, he gets lonely real fast. Shit, I should have seen it early.”  

  

Worry was the dominant emotion Wonwoo was feeling that moment. As they enter the building, there was only darkness save from the lights coming from the outside that peeped in. They took the stairs all the way to the fifth floor, Wonwoo taking two steps at a time to get there faster. He was panting real hard when they reach the top but it didn’t stop him to sprint to the room Jihoon had confined himself in. He opens the door without a second thought, finding Jihoon’s bag by the piano chair but no Jihoon. Soonyoung was surprised at the cold blast of air that greeted them as Wonwoo opened the door. At first, he didn’t see Jihoon, just his bag but as he and Mingyu got in, they find Wonwoo crouching by the curtains, where a pair of legs could be seen. From his spot, Soonyoung could only guess that it was Jihoon hiding behind the curtain.  

  

“Idiot, you should have called me 2 hours ago. Seungcheol hyung wouldn’t be happy if he finds out I left you alone for more than we promised.” But Jihoon no plan of moving from his hiding spot even with Wonwoo pulling both his arms up. He kept his face hidden behind the curtain, silent as if he’s waiting for them to go away. “Aish, you played too much again, look at your nails!” Wonwoo inspects Jihoon’s fingers closer, finding dried blood in them. “Let’s get you out of here.”  

“I’ll go home later.” Jihoon answers, voice hoarse as if he had been crying. 

“No. We’re going home now. Mingyu can you help me?” Wonwoo motions for the taller man to come closer, leading Mingyu to crouch down in front of Jihoon, facing the other way. “Piggyback, okay?” Mingyu nods. 

“You’re so annoying Wonwoo.” Jihoon groans as Wonwoo pull the curtains off of Jihoon. Soonyoung sees how red the rim of Jihoon’s eyes were as Wonwoo pushed him against Mingyu’s back, the other taking a hold of Jihoon’s thighs as he gets up. Jihoon buries his face on Mingyu’s back and just lets them do whatever.  

“We’re going home. I’ll make your favourite if you behave.” Wonwoo says. Jihoon could only groan against Mingyu’s back.  

  

They leave the Music department building silently. Soonyoung kept glancing at Jihoon and his nails, feeling some kind of prickle inside his heart as thoughts swim inside his head. Maybe this is what Jihoon meant last time, that people who didn’t knew him well enough would be repulsed at his self-destructive mechanism.  

 

Once they reach Jihoon and Wonwoo’s apartment, Mingyu sets Jihoon down the couch. He gives Jihoon a pat in the head before heading to the kitchen to fetch him a glass of water. Wonwoo had stepped outside, claiming he had to buy something from the convenience store for a while and that he’ll be back as soon as he can which left Soonyoung standing outside of Jihoon’s room awkwardly. Sensing his awkward stare, Jihoon turns his back against them and hugs the pillow beside him, curling his legs under him, appearing smaller. Since Soonyoung had no idea of what to do, he approaches Mingyu in the kitchen. In hushed tones, Soonyoung talks with his dorm mate. 

 

“What do we do? What do I do? I’m not grasping the moment really well...” he admits. He chances a glance at Jihoon who was curled up in the couch. Jihoon looked sad.  

“Just let him be. Wonwoo had told me about these bursts and it’s best to just be there for Jihoon.” Mingyu checks their refrigerator and takes out the things Wonwoo would be needing. “If I remember correctly... Jihoon loves omelet. Wonwoo had asked me to make one before and he didn’t tell me which friend loved it. I’m guess now, it’s Jihoon.”  

 

And just like Wonwoo promised, he was back with a bag full of groceries. He sets down the bottle of coke inside the freezer and puts the other ingredients on the counter.  

 

“Can you make him omelet Mingyu? He told me he loved the one you made last time. Well technically, he didn’t know you made it.” Wonwoo looked exhausted but still, he smiled.  

“Sure sure. You got everything here anyway. Give me 10 minutes, I’ll make us dinner.” Mingyu gets to work immediately.  

 

Wonwoo ushers Soonyoung out of the kitchen as he walks to Jihoon, sitting behind the smaller man then tapping his back. Without talking, Jihoon lets go of the pillow and turns around to hug Wonwoo instead. They lay like that, with Jihoon on top, face buried in Wonwoo’s chest. If you didn’t know the two, you’d almost think they were dating but with the way Wonwoo ran his hand through Jihoon’s hair, it held no malice. Just a friend comforting another friend. Soon enough, Wonwoo was singing something that sounded awfully familiar. Soonyoung was sure he had heard the song somewhere. Listening closely, it was the same song Jihoon had been singing in the bar.  

 

“Hey Wonu...” Jihoon’s voice was weak but Wonwoo heard it nonetheless. He was used to the volume of Jihoon’s voice whenever it got to this. 

“Yeah?” Wonwoo continues to stroke Jihoon’s hair, his other hand patting Jihoon’s back to stop the hiccuping. 

“Do I make you proud?”  

“Of course, you do. I'm proud that you’ve come this far despite the times you wanted to give up, especially on days you think your bed is your best friend and not me.” Wonwoo tries to make the atmosphere light.  

“You’re just saying that because I’m your friend.” Jihoon sulks. 

“I’m not just saying it. I really am proud of you. We haven’t even graduated yet there are talent scouts, agencies scouts, waiting for you. There are a lot of artists who wants to collab with you. You just have to give yourself a chance. You’re amazing Jihoon, I can’t even do half the things you do and I’m quite grateful you teach me.” it squeezes Jihoon’s heart that he whimpers, pulling his head up just to pout at Wonwoo directly. “Stop pouting. Mingyu’s making your favorite.”  

“I heard. Your voices were loud.”  

 

Jihoon finally gets off of Wonwoo and wipes at his eyes, sniffling a little as he goes to the bathroom to freshen up. Wonwoo gets up from the couch, walks to the kitchen where he rests his forehead on Mingyu’s back and sighs.  

 

They set up the dining table just in time for Jihoon to come back. He looked fresher, no blood in his nails, and happier compared to his previous sulky demure earlier. He sits opposite of Soonyoung, beside him was Wonwoo. There was still that tension in the air as Jihoon avoided any form of contact with Soonyoung, as if the other didn’t exist at all.  

 

Soonyoung would be lying to say that didn’t hurt. He wanted Jihoon to look at him, to give him a smile where his eyes disappear, to give him a look that says I’m listening and I understand. He wanted to reach out and hold Jihoon’s small hand, squeeze it in his own and tell him ‘hey, I’m here’ but he couldn’t because deep inside, he still felt cheated about what happened the last time. His ego was too big to let it go and he knew for a fact that if he kept it up, the very little connection they had would permanently break apart.  

 

Throughout dinner, Jihoon had complimented the dish Mingyu had made for them, smiling slightly at their stories since he had nothing to tell them. At the corner of his eye, he could see Soonyoung stare at him. It made his heart ache with how much he could harden his heart and tolerate those pleading eyes telling him to look at Soonyoung’s way. Jihoon was still not sure about his feelings for Soonyoung but they were there, just undefined. Unlike Soonyoung, who pretty much made it clear that he wanted to be his boyfriend, Jihoon wasn’t sure if that’s what he wanted just yet. The anxiety about getting to a relationship outweighed the possibility of it happening. Sometimes Jihoon wished he just tried to meet people half-way. Maybe that way, things would have been easier.  

 

Once dinner was finished, Wonwoo and Mingyu volunteered to clean up after them. Which left Jihoon and Soonyoung to themselves. The awkwardness was so thick Jihoon swore he could hear himself swallow.  

 

Good thing Soonyoung wasn’t the same.  

 

The blue-haired man grabs his wrist and pulls him inside his own room, closing the door behind him. Inside, Jihoon stood a few steps away from Soonyoung, carefully lifting his gaze before dropping them on the ground again. The anxiety was killing him. 

 

“I want to talk to you about something.” Soonyoung starts. Jihoon sees Soonyoung step forward. He risks a peek upwards and finds Soonyoung a step away from him, face serious. “I’ll make it clear now, just in case you’re too dense to realize it.” he takes a deep breath, taking Jihoon’s hands into his as he locks eyes with the other. “I like you. I know it’s only been three days but I swear I’m not lying. I like you, I want to try dating you, I want to know you better, I want to text you good morning and good night, I want to take you out on dates, I want to make you smile, I want to hug you and god do I want to hug you right now but...” There was that word Jihoon was expecting. It was never good to keep your hopes up. “I understand if you find it too fast. Even I realize my advances were out of line, I’m sorry about those. I guess I... got caught up with the past. People had expected me to be the aggressive type and you didn’t react nicely to it. I’m sorry Jihoon but I know for myself that you are worth it. Even if this dating, courting, whatever, would take time then so be it. I can wait. I know for a fact that you’re more than you perceive yourself to be and I’m going to show you how amazing you are, Lee Jihoon.”  

 

Listening to Soonyoung talk about what he wanted to happen and how amazing Jihoon is, it made Jihoon’s skin flare. His ears were burning from the confession, something he had never really received all his life. He wasn’t sure if he was blushing but judging from the burning sensations he felt on his face, he guessed he was. Aside from that, his knees felt like jelly, his palms were suddenly sweaty and all Jihoon could think at that moment was drop himself on the bed next to him and hide for the next thousands of years out of embarrassment.  

 

“I... um...” Jihoon takes a shaky breath in, trying to squeeze Soonyoung’s hands but not finding the strength to. Instead, he laughs out nervously and looks away.  

“Look at me Jihoon. I know its nerve-wracking but please look at me.” It was hard to lift his gaze. Jihoon felt overwhelmed, he felt full, his heart was beating way too fast, his ears were ringing. He was at a loss but there was a voice at the back of his head telling him to take it because it will make him incredibly happy even just by trying. So he lifts his gaze and meets with Soonyoung’s eyes, swallowing hard as he searched for the words to answer Soonyoung’s confession.  

“Okay. I’m scared but okay... Let’s try.”  

 

The way Soonyoung’s face lights up warms Jihoon’s chest. Suddenly, he was off the ground. Soonyoung had grabbed him by the waist and hugged him, twirling in the small space of Jihoon’s room. Soonyoung’s melodious laugh rings his quiet room and Jihoon couldn’t comprehend what he was feeling at that moment. All he knew was that he was laughing along Soonyoung, hugging him back as the taller man twirls them around.  

 

“That makes me so damn happy!” Soonyoung exclaims before putting Jihoon down who stumbles down his bed. “Sorry. I got too excited.”  

“It’s okay. I’ve never felt such energy before, it’s infectious.” Jihoon smiles at him, the kind of smile that reached his eyes and most especially, his heart.  

 

Soonyoung lays down on Jihoon’s bed, his legs dangling at the edge. Jihoon follows suit but faces Soonyoung, his legs curled protectively against his stomach. Noticing Jihoon’s gaze on him, Soonyoung turns his head to face Jihoon before flashing a smile.  

 

“I can start texting you again, right?” He asks, pulling his phone in the process. Jihoon simply nods. It makes Soonyoung’s smile wider.  

 

He reaches an arm out, his head motioning for Jihoon to lay his head on his bicep. Jihoon complies and soon enough, they were cheek-to-cheek close. Soonyoung could feel the heat radiating off of Jihoon and he was sure he was radiating the same thing thanks to adrenaline. His heart pounding wildly against his chest as they laid there, side-by-side. Even in silence, they found comfort.  

 

“To commemorate this day, let’s take a selca.” Jihoon pouts at the suggestion. He was still not used to people taking pictures of him.  

“But I don’t like getting my picture taken.” he explains, keeping his pout. 

“No one else is going to see it. Plus, why would I tell other people that I’m dating the most attractive guy on campus?” Jihoon hits him on the chest, smiling at how cheesy that sounded.  

“Stop saying bullshit.”  

“I’m not. You're cute." At this point, their foreheads were resting against each other. Soonyoung found this as the perfect opportunity and snapped a photo of them from his phone. Upon hearing the camera click, Jihoon puts his hands on his face, feeling it burn up again. 

“I hate you.” he mumbles against his hands as Soonyoung hug him tightly out of delight. 

“No, you don’t. I’m going to rub my overflowing amount of confidence on you so you can get on my level of flirting.” 

“Shut up.”  

 

The whole day, Jihoon had been avoiding Soonyoung but now that they had that talk, he couldn’t bear the idea of Soonyoung leaving his side. There was still that lingering anxiety but at least for now, the beating of his heart and the overwhelming amount of happiness was overpowering the negativity. Jihoon was happy. He was truly happy and it all came from a man called Kwon Soonyoung. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10-2-18
> 
> I am currently stuck with academics so updating will take a while! I'm currently working on a my thesis and I need to focus on it.


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